I didn't hear from H until late afternoon on saturday, he did text happy b-day. I said thanks. I texted him and said it would be nice if we could go out to dinner for my b-day. He just said sorry, he was going to a wedding. I really didn't think he would anyway but I tried for fun (little gutsy after brandy slushes).
I met some friends at our 1 local bar. They insisted on buying me some weird drinks. They were pretty good. I had a few people come up to me and comment about my H and how foolish he is for leaving me for a nasty stripper. Well that made me feel good. I said thanks, it's nice to hear that and I do feel as though he will see the light soon. I never "cut" him down in front of anyone (small town, everything gets back)
Sunday he texted me asking if I had a hangover. 3 hours later I answered and said no. (I sure had a headache, but wouldn't admit it). He said he drove by the bar I was at at 12:30 and saw my vehicle. I told him he should have stopped, he said he was too tired. I said, too bad we had a blast. He asked me if he could come see D4 sunday night. Of course I let him but he came over and was so quiet I knew something was bothering him. I just said I would listen if he wanted to talk to me. He said thanks, I'm just confused. Me not knowing what to say, I just said it will be ok as I gave him a hug. He kissed me on the cheek.
I teased him alittle for not getting me anything for my b-day on saturday. He said sorry, I'll make it up to you. WTH?? I guess the whole part was He didn't help my D4 get me a mommy b-day card. I guess I really thought he would but of course no. He knows how important that is to me ! Guess that's why he didn't do it.
I didn't harp on the subject, it was just that one comment and then I acted like it didn't bother me.
I was just thinking, awhile back he gave me his marital settlement agreement to look over and sign. (I told him I wouldn't sign it) and I still have it. He's never asked for it, so I'm not going to remind him either. What a tangled web.
The crazy cycle of life continues. Have a great day !!!!
Me: 46 H: 38 D: 6 M: 8-2-2003 Left Nov. 28, 2008 - He filed for D 2-18-09 1st D-Day was 6/9/09 H missing papers FINAL: 8/1/09 done thru the mail
What I do come my b-day is make sure my D's have money to get me something. While mine aren't little, if they were I'd probably help them pick out a card to give to me or make it a game of "I'll hide over here <wink, wink> while you pick out my card. I won't look". It can be tough, but you find ways.
I wouldn't bring up the settlement agreement either, but I would stop asking him to join or go out, at least for now.
Last night my H brought D4 home from daycare. He was in a foul mood with my D4. She was being an active child, she wants to play not watch TV. He asked if I had anything to eat and I had leftovers so I made him some. D4 and H ate dinner and I sat drinking my water. After dinner he went and laid in lazy boy and D4 and I went outside to play. He wouldn't talk which is normal for him, so I left him alone (not normal for me)
He wanted to stay and put D4 to bed. Then back to lazy boy chair. He dozed on and off (talking in sleep and snoring and body twitches) must have alot on his mind!!!
When he awoke he's out the door checking on his cell phone. He does that constantly. (not normal for him) He acted like he wanted to talk to me but couldn't find his way. I finally asked him, do you want to talk? He did (big time) told me how our D4 drives him nuts and he can't take it. How he has a bad temper (actually he's good, the crabbier he gets the quieter he is and never violent). Told me he was a bad father (i used to say no you aren't, but I just said sorry you feel that way). H even said probably when our D4 turns 10 she will be cussing him out and disrespecting him. WTH??? (must be from his past?) I said she will form her own opinion of you and she shouldn't be doing that if we raise her the right way.? He just blew that one off.
Then he tells me about his friend that he evies. Never been married, likes the strippers and dates them only. Because then he has no commitment!! I knew he was talking about himself. (I had that one figured out awhile back) Pay for their time and no I LOVE YOU's need to be said. I said well I wish your friend alot of luck if that's how he wants to spend his life & MONEY. I said I like having a family and knowing that I am needed and loved by my child. H got very quiet and nervous and had to leave.
I'm really angry writing this. The D is june 29 and I do believe I'm done trying. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried not to pressure him with anything. Not sure if he even has MLC or just crazy. Why have a child and wife and home only to leave them because the child is stressfull?? I know believe 1/2 of what they say. He's always telling me that he needs no one and he can take care of himself. Well he'll get his chance soon.
At least I will be able to tell my D4 someday that I tried everything to save this marriage. Who knows where he'll be and I really don't care!! ( who am I trying to kid) I love the foolish s***head.
I keep telling myself that maybe he'll change his mind. But my heart is telling me forget it, it's done. There is way to many painful child memories for him and he has always told me he needs nobody to be in his life. Guess I should have listened to him. (wish he would have told me that B4 our marriage. When I used to tell him - if you give me 10% of your love I'd give you 110% of mine - I wasn't kidding either, but now I realize he didn't have 10% to give.
I've tried to be strong and keep busy but now I'm running on Empty - heart and soul slowly fading.
I almost think he never loved me at all but was looking for away to get out of his parents house, that's why he married me.
Me: 46 H: 38 D: 6 M: 8-2-2003 Left Nov. 28, 2008 - He filed for D 2-18-09 1st D-Day was 6/9/09 H missing papers FINAL: 8/1/09 done thru the mail
I know how stressful it is to have them in your home. If you would even like to just see how that works for you, put it on the table to him. His putting D4 to bed and then staying to doze and just "hang out" is weird (and I do know weird).
I get the anger. It can creep up on you at times too. So, what do you do that helps you cope with it?
Quote:
I almost think he never loved me at all but was looking for away to get out of his parents house, that's why he married me.
That might be something you need to tell yourself right now. Sometimes it's easier to believe that the love was a fraud then to think they truly loved us and then stopped.
My only coping mechanism is when D4 sleeps, I cry my eyes out. Or take the baby monitor into my H's new barn and scream and cry out there so I don't wake D4. Maybe childish at my age but seems to help. Then alot of praying for strength for the Lord to help give me stength and wisdom.
I know he's making a mistake with all of this, but I wish he wouldn't even pick up our D4 anymore. If he doesn't want her then stay the heck away from her. But then I think he's trying to handle his own confusing stuff right now. I'm pretty sure the stripper has stiffed him about the car payment. H told me she was paying him every month for it. HA-HA - oh yea!! I just fell off the turnip truck yesterday too. He's going to be stuck with the stupid payment for 5 years. I'm sure she won't be stuck with him for that long.
Mutual friends of ours saw H in strip club, sitting in the corner by himself. While his "friend" was entertaining another client at the bar. He sat for 1 1/2 hrs waiting for her I'm sure. She wouldn't even pay him any attention, not even a glance. Why should she? she was getting all the drinks from some other lost soul. I guess my H finally got up and left the club. Poor baby, he was being ignored !! Maybe he was waiting to get the car payment money from her.
Match made in heaven. FOOLISH !!
I sound so tough when I want to curl up and cry. Or maybe a punching bag in the barn with our wedding picture on it. H has D4 this weekend and I think I'm going to go and visit with friends. I never had real close friends because - Duh -- work, husband, family always came first.
Thanks for putting up with my ranting and raving.
Me: 46 H: 38 D: 6 M: 8-2-2003 Left Nov. 28, 2008 - He filed for D 2-18-09 1st D-Day was 6/9/09 H missing papers FINAL: 8/1/09 done thru the mail
M, I'm very, very sorry to read about your situation. It's very difficult when you have a child in the mix and you are trying to paddle up stream and your h is at the bottom of the pond attempting to pull the boat out from under you.
I know you do not think this, but the d will bring you a little bit of peace in one sense...the heavy burden that you've been carrying called "stress" will be lifted a bit and that's when you will be able to begin living your life to the fullest w/your d. Right now, the veil is still closed over your situation and you cannot see what is on the other side, but you will in time.
As for your relationship w/your h being over....not in this life time. You will still have a realtionship w/him because of your d and who knows what God has in store for you down the road. Both of you just might meet up at the cross roads later on in life and reconcile. You just don't know. But, you can't wait around for that to happen. You have to live your life to the fullest and embrace each and every day and the happiness that God will bestow on you as you walk the path. It's not over until God deems it is.
Hugs!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks for checking in. I have asked the Lord to help me to give me strength thru all of this. Also to give my H stength to fight his own demons.
Getting the strength seems to be getting harder, especially when I have to call the lawyer today. I just wish I could wake up from this bad dream. The nightmares have started again and it really is hard to stay focused.
H will be dropping off our D4 tonight after daycare and I really don't want to see him. He always acts like he's great and nothing is wrong. B*** crap, there is alot wrong. Our world has and will continue to be turned upside down, for our D4, him and I. I only hope he can find a way to get thru this.
Who knows maybe the Car he bought for his stripper friend will show up in my garage someday. Not really, but I did tell him, she doesn't deserve it (I found out from someone that knows her that she does this to alot of men, imagine that). But of course I know that will be his issue for the next 5 years.
I know I need to GAL. Maybe when this is over I'll find the way. Even though I love him so much, I'd like to tell him to go to H*** for doing this to all of us.
Need prayers please !!!!!!!
Me: 46 H: 38 D: 6 M: 8-2-2003 Left Nov. 28, 2008 - He filed for D 2-18-09 1st D-Day was 6/9/09 H missing papers FINAL: 8/1/09 done thru the mail
If you don't want to see him tonight (at least any longer than necessary), when he drops D4 off. Do not invite him in or allow him to stay. I know it's hard and I know you think you are doing the best thing for your daughter, but are you? If it isn't best for you, how can it be best for her?
Thanks Grace, I agree with you. I can convince my head to do that but my heart is a different story. I'm trying to think of something D4 and I can do tonight. I handle things better when I go and pick her up from his parents house. I can take her and go because it seems like when he drops her off he stays at the house. Eats my food and sleeps in chair.
Boy, how foolish I have been. I see it here in the things I post and when I read other posts. But then when it comes down to him being there, I enjoy our small talks and then I get sucked into the spiral.
I have given up the dream that he wants to come home to stay. The reality is he likes to come & visit when he's not busy going out to the bars or wherever. But if I truly needed him for something I'm sure he would tell me he's "busy"
I am going to pick up my D4 from his parents. Even though we will just go home and play ball at least he isn't there. I don't have it in me to tell him to leave when he drops her off but at least I could pick her up and not worry about the whole thing of him staying at our house.
Deep Breath...... I have to stay strong
Me: 46 H: 38 D: 6 M: 8-2-2003 Left Nov. 28, 2008 - He filed for D 2-18-09 1st D-Day was 6/9/09 H missing papers FINAL: 8/1/09 done thru the mail
I don't have it in me to tell him to leave when he drops her off but at least I could pick her up and not worry about the whole thing of him staying at our house.
If this is what works to get you what you need, do it. It almost sounds like you think it weak not to be up in his grill about it, it isn't. You will get to the point where you will say what you need to, until then, you are still taking care of yourself. I have been known to practice saying what I need to say in the mirror. It may sound foolish, but it's gotten me to the point where I can address most things directly and if not pleasantly at least in a civil manner.
Go get your baby girl and play ball. They don't stay small nearly long enough.
