Ummm... sorry. Guess I was just excited to tell yall I am taking some steps forward. I hope your night goes better for you. I will check in on your thread tomorrow. I'm kind of tired now.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
No biggie. Sorry I went off on you. Maybe this is just how you roll, a little slower than we all would like. But, the appointment is awesome, imperative. You need to really work on yourself. We all want your sitch to work out...you gain NOTHING if you don't change from this experience with or without W's involvement.
jaguilar is right. Not just SOME people have dropped off, ALOT of people have dropped off. I was one of the ones who stayed with you since the beginning.
And what happened? Day after day, the same stuff. You could take your recent post and paste it 3 months ago. It's the same.
And now you say you FINALLY set up a C appointment and you EXPECT the rest of us to pat you on the head and say "good job"? Not only do you EXPECT it, but you actually have some attitude behind it.
How many of us have stayed with you through the worst times when you didn't have your kids? When I read that you were flirting with someone, I almost threw up in my mouth. Are you kidding? Do you really want another woman to hate you as much as your W does now? You hadn't done anything for your own personal GROWTH and HEALING except for things that are the easy way out.
So you went out to play poker. Big deal. What happened to the "i'm going to go out and get fit...work on my self-esteem...etc." that you said before you first moved out of state?
Right now you've managed to score pills without treatment, have your kids (but are judgemental towards them when they don't see things your way), hanging on to your W since she's thrown you a couple of bones, played poker (which doesn't require that much self-esteem building), and just now have a C scheduled (let's see how many times you go).
Not to be pessimistic, kevin, but you've burned everyone. You could take all of 25mlc's posts and have a book written by them.
I really think you posting here is a way to stroke your low self-esteem. you've played the victim card for so long that many are just so tired of it. And you still hang on to your W's every word. Forget about 100 days without mentioning your W, I doubt you could last 100 minutes without thinking about her.
I'm not going to apologize for what I wrote above as others have, because quite frankly I think people have done quite enough for you and their apologies actually feed your need to be pitied.
You want to show everyone a baby step? Go to C and write down what was discussed, then tell us when the next appointment is, and the next, and the next. Let's see how "real" your changes are this time. It's your chance to prove to us that we didn't make a mistake in supporting you for so long.
There's your 2x4
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I thought getting out and playing poker would be doing something I enjoy. But I guess its not really a self esteem riser.
I will keep you posted on the counseling. I do need better self esteem.
And I do need to start getting fit again.
Just struggling.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
When exactly are you going to make the decision to STOP STRUGGLING? Every time a post is made where somebody is kind and generous enough to point out your outlandish behavior you simply respond with "its hard" or "still struggling".
NEWSFLASH - we are all struggling for one reason or another.
Personally I think you are out of your mind to go away with your W and kids for a weekend. I wouldnt go to the seafood boil either. Again, your W makes plans and decides to include you when it suits her. She is manipulative and one day you will see that.
I guess I just dont understand why you want all this attention and praise for doing things you should have been doing months ago. Poker, meeting friends for lunch/dinner and things of that nature are find for socializing but they arent doing much to rebuild Kevin as a man. And yes, we all need outside socialization but that is just one element of the rebuilding.
Do you understand goals and action plans? It might look something like this:
Todays Goals and the action plan to execute them: 1. I will not mention my W or think about her and if I do start to think, chatter or obsess about her I will practice emotional thought stopping.
2. I will not obsess or chatter or even THINK about how much I am struggling and if I do, I will practice emotional thought stopping.
3. I will make an outline of all areas in which I want to work on in counseling and this outline will be complete by (insert day here).
4. If my W contacts me I will wait 48 hours to respond IF her communication warrants a response at all.
5. I will NOT call the courthouse for 7 business days to obsess over the D and its status.
See, those are goals and action plans with deadlines in which they must be executed by.
You know, I am sorry if I sound mean or abrasive but it gets old hearing about how somebody is struggling month after month and just now is starting to do something. And I really wonder if it wasnt for our constant prodding if anything would be done at all.
I dont want to open up this can of worms again because it really is just my opinion but I have to question somebody when they get on meds for depression/anxiety yet wait so long to find a counselor (especially when multiple resources were provided time after time in various threads) to work in conjunction with the meds.
Kev - stop being your W's whipping boy. We all see it and I wish you would to. You seem happier because she is being nicer to you and that means you are not anywhere near acceptance or detachement. Sure, its more pleasant when she is not being a raving b*itch but if I had to guess her "sweetness and light" routine does have a motive.
I dont think there is a thread on this message board where somebody isnt struggling but they dont mention it every darn day. Want to know why I am struggling today? Well, I spent 3 hours at the lab this morning for medical reasons, I still havent heard back from my new attny and my court date is less than a month away, my attny retainer is running low because of all the BS my H's attny pulled and there is no more money to replenish, my body feels like its on fire because its a bad lupus day and now I have to (want to) host a small b-day dinner party for my sister tonight. Want to know why we are having it tonight instead of her actually b-day? Because she was at a funeral on her actual b-day of a 58 year old man that dropped over dead from a massive heart attack. To top off all that I have another 1600.00 in medical bills to pay AFTER my insurance coverage paid the rest while trying to reconcile the accounts my H and I still share where he just spent 900.00 in one week on golf, gambling, shopping, dinners out and partying. So yeah, sometimes things bite the big one but we suck it up, put on our big girl panties (or big boy boxers) and move the heck on to *something* better.
And no, this is not a pity party for CityGirl - I am just saying, we all struggle daily but we dont dwell on it.
My friend always says this "if you are in hell just keep on walking and eventually you will get out of it". I always laugh when she says it but its true.
I would like to see a post from you that contains *some* substance and not just the usual "your right" or "I messed up" or "its hard" or "Im struggling". Start digging inside yourself, we cant do that for you despite our best efforts.
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
The D was officially dismissed by the judge yesterday. Still no response from the other side on the issue.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
On paper you are still married. Congratulations. Can you tell me what being married to someone is? Is it living in the same house sharing your lives? Is it making love in a shared bed? Dude! You are NOT married in your wife's mind. You have a piece of paper and two kids tying you together. The rest is nonexistent. Get a life!!!
"It is excruciating pain. It is the pain of separation, the pain of loss, the pain of dreams and expectations unrealized. It is the loss and death of a mirage."
