Hmmm...give her time. Terribly difficult age. Boys, hormones, insecurities. She's got to team up with mom to protect her own femininity and sense of self, IMO.
I really think that when things settle down, you two will bond. For now, you can focus on you being the kind of man you would want your daughters to spend their time with.
It's been nearly 4 months since our separation! Give her some more time! OK. Sometimes, I guess, stuff like this takes much, much longer than I think it should! Makes sense what you said about teaming up with mom and all (hormones, insecurities, boys) . But why did this only start after the separation?
I hope we will bond, and I hope things will settle down. That's a good thing to shoot for aliveandkicking..."focus on being the kind of man I would want my daughters to spend time with." Thanks for that point of view!
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
It can take years with teenagers. My fathers death coincided with my 12th birthday. The age mixed with the events is very profound. Yes, the separation is contributing. Can you take the mental space for yourself? Sort of DB with your daughter... Really, just let her know and see by your actions that you are there, consistent etc.
BTW- 4 months is NOTHING and there is no normal yet (as illustrated by your vacation dilemma). More time. Sorry, but I think it can actually be a good thing for you. You can't fix this for D12. You've got to try to relax.
Am supposed to be getting ready for work so I haven't read the last ten or so posts properly.
Just wanted to say H and I have been separated since Dec 2007 and we still haven't sorted our crap out. Sorry to say, but four months is nothing when your wife feels that you were abusive. As for your daughter, I haven't gotten to that age yet (my is is almost 8), so I can't comment there.
Gotta run
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
It can take years with teenagers. My fathers death coincided with my 12th birthday. The age mixed with the events is very profound. Yes, the separation is contributing. Can you take the mental space for yourself? Sort of DB with your daughter... Really, just let her know and see by your actions that you are there, consistent etc.
BTW- 4 months is NOTHING and there is no normal yet (as illustrated by your vacation dilemma). More time. Sorry, but I think it can actually be a good thing for you. You can't fix this for D12. You've got to try to relax.
I get what you're saying aliveandkicking. It's just been hard losing my wife the way I did, and then feeling like I lost my youngest daughter too!
Maybe so! I think this broken family affects them, while my wife thinks they are just fine with it. Yeah...I've never thought about DB'n with my daughter. I really have shown her, consistently and by my actions, that I am there. I'll continue to do it. It just hurts like a mutha when she treats me like she does.
I know that 4 months, in the scheme of things, isn't very long...although it feels like forever with me. More time...probably much more! I'll try to make it good for me. Relax...I'll work on that! I can't fix it for her? Just relax and stay strong and consistent, and give her plenty of room and time?
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Yes. And, as hard as it is, you must have some boundaries and she must show you some respect.
I just went through it with S6. He had the worst tantrum ever (H just left after having just been hanging out upon returning from a month away)...I felt so much for him, of course the separation is impacting him. But, he can't tell me to shut up or punch me, you know?
This is hellishly hard and I am right here with you.
Am supposed to be getting ready for work so I haven't read the last ten or so posts properly.
Just wanted to say H and I have been separated since Dec 2007 and we still haven't sorted our crap out. Sorry to say, but four months is nothing when your wife feels that you were abusive. As for your daughter, I haven't gotten to that age yet (my is is almost 8), so I can't comment there.
Gotta run
Hi Purple.
Whaddaya do? I'm an ER nurse...been doing it for 23 years.
Wow! That's a long separation! I would rather stay separated though, than get divorced. I was verbally and emotionally abusive. I was such a mean prick. I was so wrong, and lost the best thing that ever happened to me as a result of it. I know 4 months is not a very long time under the circumstances. It feels like a long time though! Aliveandkicking has been giving me some good advice about my daughter. She was so much easier at 8 y/o! Hope you have a good shift at work. Thank you for your help so far.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Just dropping by to tell you that I've not forgotten you. Maybe if I didn't write just long posts I could get around faster..... Anway, I will talk to you soon but have to go make a living right now.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Just dropping by to tell you that I've not forgotten you. Maybe if I didn't write just long posts I could get around faster..... Anway, I will talk to you soon but have to go make a living right now.
Take care, Sandi
Hi Sandi.
I've been missing you. Hope things are good with you. I look forward to hearing from ya'. Kids are with me right now. We're enjoying ourselves. Hope you have a good day at work.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
Really, just let her know and see by your actions that you are there, consistent etc.
Anway, I will talk to you soon but have to go make a living right now.