I am thinking that this situation may be unique b/c of your W being a twin sister. Perhaps you could give us a bit more information about their relationship before this tragidy of the SIL's H. Also, how were you and your W getting along before all of this happen?
I can't help but wonder if your W is reacting to a codependency toward her twin. She sees her twin in a bad situation over the death of twin's H and in her attempt to be there for her twin, maybe she is "blending" into her sister too much. Does that make sense? Knowing a little background of their R would help to get a better idea of where they are with each other now. Were they always thought of and acted as very individual people or were they treated as if they were "one"? Some twins have a very difficult time separating themselves from what their twin is experiencing. If this is the case with your W, I am wondering if she felt guilty for being happily M when her sister has lost her H in death. I also see moving in together as more codependency. Are their parents still alive and do they live near by? Also, have they always had the same friends or did they go separate ways in making their friends, careers, hobies, etc.? Just trying to get a picture of their R.
How do you feel about your SIL? Do you see her as influencing your W's decision in breaking up with you? If so, do you think it was intentional or her reacting to grief and depending too much on your W as her main support?
I also am wondering about you, Drew. You sound very strong, but is that what I am really seeing in you? It concerns me that you do not "appear" more heart broken over this break-up when it has barely been a year of M. Is that due to pride or anger? Again, just trying to see how things really are in the stitch.
I would like to suggest that you stay on one thread until it locks up and then you just start another one. I'm not sure how it works, but each thread is allowed so much space and then it locks and we pick up our story on a new thread. No big deal, but it is hard to follow along if the thread is jumping around from place to place.
The more you can tell us, the more it helps us to understand the full stitch. Don't feel that you have to cover-up anything b/c we don't know who you are and we are here to help you figure this out and to give you support. So, lay your feelings out there and don't be afaid to talk about anything. That's not to say a 2x4 might come swinging..... but I bet you can handle that.
I want you to know that I am very interested in your stitch. I have a feeling that it may have to be treated just a bit different that the "general WAW"......but won't know until you give more details. In the meantime, be careful about appearing that you do not "care" at all about what she does or what happens in the MR. I'm not suggesting that you pursue her. Right now, the best way is to give her space and time to work through some issues. But the question I have is, "What are the issues in the M apart from her sister's tragidy"? Maybe I missed something in your posts that you can catch me up to date. I tried to read all of them.
This has been a very recent move and things are fragile, so don't over react to anything that is said from her or the sister. When you do see her, try to keep her separated from her sister when you talk with her. The twin does not need to be there in the same room when you and your W visit. In fact, it would be better to get your wife away from the house to ensure that the twin is not around.......if the two of you should meet just to talk. Don't make any rash decisions about getting a D. BTW, was it your idea to move out of the house or did she ask you to leave? Maybe I should look back over the posts, but am running short on time this morning and have to get ready for work.
Drew, I don't feel that a year long M has had much of a chance. A couple hardly gets to know each other (truly) in that short period. Did the two of you live together for any length of time before M? Sure would be sad to see this end b/c of somebody else's tragidy. Has she blamed you for any particular breakdown in the MR? It seems a bit vague outside of her twins situation.
Well, I've asked a lot of questions and will be anxious to hear your answers. I have to go for now, but will get back shortly.
Take care and post often to keep us updated.
Sandi2
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
but I bet you can handle that.