While reading through your posts trying to find mine then realizing your name is on a need to know basis and I don't know what it was.. your wife keeps saying.. "I don't know how WE got here... got to this place" and cries.
Two thoughts..
Have you done the "Five Why's"? A person makes a statement. You ask "Why?" They answer that question. You ask "Why?" and so on. Quick way of getting to a basic truth.
Ready2Change will 'force' behavior.. if he wants his kids to come close to him, he pushes them away; the opposite is true.
You have no control over how far she'll fall, you have no control over how miserable she feels about herself. Here's a concept.. develop your own boundaries. People make sacrifices and compromises in their marriage, for their family. Yet what I learned post-divorce after a 25 year marriage, that by compromising myself (i.e., feeling the marriage and family were more important than me, by not having the confidence to make demands, put my foot down, make waves) my actions helped erode what was most treasured in my life - my relationship with my husband and being a family. My discontent came out in passive/aggressive behavior, feeling overwhelmed then powerless.
Setting boundaries is a skill set I've had to learn (after having a childhood of serious abuse). Guess what.. they're GREAT! It's not something you can do for her. She has to learn it on her own. However, it's a gift you can give yourself.
It's not about having the perfect answers. It's about stripping the facade. You have a woman, who was the love of your life, in an extreme situation where she's doing what her reality tells her is the right yet painful step to take.
And who are you, person of wit? It's not a question to answer here. Peel away the covert, drop the humor, shed your defenses and look in the mirror. Be real. It beats the alternative.
