When exactly do you SLEEP? I am convinced that you don't:)
I understand how badly you must feel for your kids. I don't know how your H lives with himself. We all have dreams but when you throw kids in the mix we have to alter those dreams. It is always interesting how in many sitches it is still usually the women who have to alter their lives for children much more than the men will. And I am not starting some feminist rant...it is just women will usually give up more of their dreams to focus on their children.
But you are strong and seem to be doing as well as can be expected. I think you are on the right track with focusing on your kids and doing what needs to be done. WHEN he turns back up then you can see if you are still interested. I KNOW it is not easy. As I said to a friend , I don't NEED my H in order to survive. All I really need is God but I WANT and LOVE my H and there lies the rub. I know you don't NEED your H but you WANTED him, right? And let us face it, we have certain needs that can never be met by children or other family members.LOL...wink wink.
Anyhow,we will have a big ole DB retreat someday and we will alll be looking back laughing remembering where we were and how far we have come...
By the way, how are you taking care of AK? Are you exercising, giving yourself a facial and manicure etc. Getting into some aromatheraphy? What makes you feel good? Hope you are keeping that stuff up.