First Timer

[wolverine1997]

Well, let me tell you my story.
Me-43
Wife-39
Married-18 yrs.
Son-10, autistic
Daughter-13

Problems started about 12 years ago, my wife was diagnosed with post partum depression after my daughters birth. She never received any treatment. Shortly after that my son was born and we found out that he was autistic. My wife went off the deep end. She blamed herself, became depressed and obsessed with my son. Raising an autistic child is very challenging especially 10 years ago when their was little information available. We were running in circles between the school system and the medical field trying to get information and help. Both systems made things worse. Each giving us different and inconsistent information. We didn't know what to do and this was very difficult on us both but especially my wife. Added to that my son was very difficult as a baby. He would sleep only about 2-4 hours a night and my wife would be up often with him. She stopped working so that she could be at home more. I would do what I could, but working a 12 hour swing shift made it hard. Also, she didn't trust that anyone could care for him properly, not even me. So when I would spend time taking care of him she would always be right over my shoulder anyway. At that time our relationship was stressed but manageable. My wife has always been somewhat high strung/high maintenance but all of her other qualities easily offset this. We would argue at times but would always soon make up. As my son got older my wife became more and more stressed out and obsessed with him. This went on for years. Things totally began to fall apart about four years ago when my wife was sexually assaulted. The police never found the guy and this completely changed my wife. She went into a deep depression. She quit her job and sat around the house for two years. I did everything I could to be supportive. I have always done most of the cooking, cleaning, and bill paying but now I had to do everything. She was literally a zombie. I tried to get her to go to counseling but she refused. I finally talked her into going to a family therapist with me but she soon quit. As expected we soon had sexually problems. Just the thought of sex made her relive the nightmare all over again. I told her that I understood and that I would live without intercourse as long as we could still be intimate in other ways. She agreed to this. We continued like this for about two years. Things continued to get worse. She was still suffering from depression. Her doctor told her that, the therapist told her that and it was obvious for me to see. She displayed all of the classic symptoms. One day she told me that she could not be intimate with me in any way at all. She had been forcing herself to do things that she hated and it brought back too many bad memories. She then decided that she was going to take her life back. She started working again, decided to go back to school, and started hanging out with friends and family. She started going to clubs, (which is something that neither of us were ever really into, and never went without each other) and lying to me about her whereabouts. She has become totally obsessed with herself and her life. She progressively began to distance herself away from me and told be that I was controlling and held her back, that she sacrificed everything she wanted because of me. I was totally shocked and flabbergasted. I have always supported her and encouraged her to be progressive, to go to school, and to try to advance her career. She would never follow through. She dropped the bomb on me about a year ago when she said that she wanted a divorce. She goes back and forth from threatening to leave soon to staying until my daughter is 18 (5 yrs from now). She won't talk to me, won't allow me to touch her at all, moved into the kids rooms, stopped attending our religious services (which we both were very active in our entire lives). She stopped associating with our mutual friends and basically views me as the devil. I am completely blown away by all of this. I have done EVERYTHING within my power for her and the kids. To this day I do most of everything around the house. I just finished reading divorce busting and loved it. But I am overwhelmed and don't know where to start. Some suggestions please.