Thanks. I feel a little schizo. I get so clear that I need to accept H and love him the way he is (including him going on his wild ride without us) and then, I see my little guys suffering and I want to strangle him.
But, overall, I am ok.
Regarding your dad, you know, I think you can fully love someone from a distance (maybe this applies to our sitches with H's too). It was not my fault that I couldn't connect with my father, I was just a child and he was weird too. I think it is worth risking rejection for you to try to connect but if he doesn't bring something positive to your life, especially in your sitch, I would just try to make peace with loving him from a distance.
Yes, my experience of D from my childhood really impacts my feelings about this. And, I was blessed to have a step-dad who is now my "real" dad and I love him dearly but my childhood sucked.
H mentioned today about how he was just getting used to life in Europe and I validated. He mentioned wanting to split his time. It really got me thinking that there could be a significant OW there. I have thought that before but I sure feel that he is being pulled. It could be the lure of the limelight, that is a strong force but being away from his kids this much? I don't know.
LOL. I just looked back through my emails and realized that this separation really started building after H hooked up with rock star last September...it is rock star pulling his strings. Aaargh. It would be comical if my poor kids weren't in the middle.
