The transparency is def needed. However it is not the cheating that I need to be made to feel safe from, it is the walking away. The affair did not happen until after W had given up and I left my own home at her request.
What I need is to feel secure that she will not cash it in when things get tough like she did. She is not a sneak, she was always completely open about it so when she says it's over, I know it is.
We have talked for the past three days and I asked her what she calls our situation. "We are separated but trying to save the marriage" Is how she will term it when asked.
I told her that all along I never felt safe in knowing she would stay married to me. I come from a long line of busted families and actually both of my parents separated and the one that took me tossed me in a children's home for 4 years until another relative rescued me.
I did a lot to sabotage my marriage too, I tested W a lot and she walked out but now she is trying to convince me that she loves me too much to end it w/out trying again.
We are cautious and are treading lightly. W need to figure out how to avoid fighting when difficulty arises but we are sort of idiots when it comes to that.
