DBing Advice??? Ultimatums Bad?

[eternaloptimist]

Thanks, stuck808. I appreciate the feedback. Sorry I'm all over the place. I think I'm driving Puppy crazy! Sorry Puppy!

When I got home tonight, H asked if I wanted to talk. He seemed sad and was expecting me to reach out to him per the usual. Instead, I did a 180. I didn't say much to him but was pleasant. I said, "no I'm ok" in a pleasant tone and then went about my plans to work out. I pulled back b/c I want a few days of peace and I'm trying very hard to detach. I don't want to bring anything up right now. We've not been able to go a day without some kind of tension. He came over to wish me a good night and again I was friendly but didn't give him a hug. He seemed disappointed again. But I didn't let that derail me. It was so hard!

I'm holding on to the response I crafted and will save it for our MC session later this week. He asked ME if I wanted to go to MC. I said it was up to him, that I didn't want to pressure him. He said that he WANTS to go to MC. I'm taking this as a good sign. Of course, he was still having an EA with his therapist when we started MC. Neither one of us has ever moved out. In fact, he refuses to. Now, I refuse to as well.

Today I felt very angry at him...more like disgusted. When I look back at the affair timeline, I was reaching out to him for MONTHS before anything happened. It all started in April when he revealed his feelings to his therapist. I sensed his unhappiness and saw what he was doing online and was worried he was considering an affair back in February. So despite everything I did to reach out to him, he did it anyway. WTF?!!!!! Like Puppy said in another one of my posts, the affair is a drug.

Short of having H tailed by a PI...I still don't know for sure if the EA is over. I've seen no evidence that it's still ongoing, and I'm pretty sure my threats about reporting his therapist to the social workers' board were received.