I hate my H

[Done in VA]

Ok mc did not go well. Every week h has a gripe about something I said or did. Mc has asked him to communicate with me anytime he has a problem instead of holding it in until we get there & then complaining about it.

We chat a bit & mc asks if I said anything in the past 2 wkd that has offended him. He said no. Mc says how did that feel? H says I didn't really notice bc I've disconnected. Nothing has changed with regard to my feelings for her. Mc asked h to look me in the eye & say that. Looks at me & says my feelings just aren't there for you, sorry.

I totally kept my composure! Completely confident & it felt so liberating! Mc says how do you think she feels. H says I can't tell. I said my dream is still that our m will survive & that our kids will have a family. In the meantime I am becoming the best me I can be for wherever this life takes me. I realize I am the only one that can make me happy.

H says she finally gets it - she's a strong person & no matter how things end up, we will all survive. I say survive implies just getting by. And I'm not okay with that.

We talk about other bs stuff. At the end I say I would like to ask you something. When you said you weren't feeling anything for me, do u want to? Are you trying to? H says to b honest, no. I say then why are we here? H says bc I didn't want to leave any stone unturned & I don't think I have.

Mc you will take baggage with you to your next r if you don't practice how you want things to be now. H says I already have been. I'm vein assertive. If I want to work late, I do. If I want to go out with my friends, I do. I said well even with you being more assertive, you still don't have any complaints about me so I think our worlds can coexist.

I feel like I've stripped all his complaints away & he's still not ready to look in the mirror & maybe he never will. He said people can't change & now there's no disputing that I am making changes. Maybe it just hasn't been long enough & he thinks it's fake?

Now what? I want to go dark, but we live in the same house!