Alright. H told me earlier that I was acting weird. I asked him in what way. He said it seemed I was walking on eggshells (not such a great actress I guess). Then I said that I am just trying to be conscious, it is a weird situation. It got quiet.
H just called to say goodnight to the kids. I lost it. I told him about S6's meltdown and he said that maybe it is just because he was out of town. I told him that they have been asking why he can't live here and they don't understand and that I don't even tell him most of the time.
He asked to talk to the boys. Then he suggested to me that I take some time and go away somewhere (feels really awkward). Then we got to talking about the kids again. He said he thinks that once he gets his own place set up, it will be better and clearer for them. Tears. I said that I don't think him completely moving out is going to be easy for them to process and that D is very difficult for children but yes, it will be clearer. He said he knows and he's sorry. He said he really cares about me and he's not a monster. I cried and was silent and then he said that he was going to go if I wasn't going to speak. I said I am just listening and he could hear me crying. He said he felt bad and he had to go. At some point he said that maybe his moving into his own place will coincide with our moving out of this house so that will be easier.
So, La Moja is some fictional character whom I bear no resemblance to.
I feel as if I have built a house of glass that just got stepped on. I thought I was somewhere I was not. Or maybe it is ok that I am sad and upset. This is hard.
