AAK - I have to admit, I'm not deep enough to even get near this, but it seems significant. I just think, based on your words and feelings you've shared with us, how could you have NOT loved H enough yet? It just doesn't appear that you could even love that little? Consider how MANY people would be here, committing this time and emotional energy to trying to figure this all out? COME ON!! Ok, that's all I can add. Give your self some credit, and forgiveness.
I do give myself credit. Just acknowledging that I may be projecting and sort of reliving that experience of trying to love someone who is leaving and the pain associated with that. So much was left unspoken with my father. I had to let it go and love him despite the fact that he had hurt me so and I was at a loss for how to have a safe relationship. This just feels so similar. I mean I can't "love" H enough, he's too insecure...it isn't even about love. It is about decency and respect; both characteristics that seem deficient in H and my father...
I am really hurting right now. Thanks for checking in.
