Don't Let Them Eat Cake

[Dawn of Hope]

IL,
I'm short on time at the moment, but have a couple of thoughts to highlight for you.

Thanks for your comments to me--appreciate it!

You have come early to the realization that most of us discover sooner or later--DBing is primarily to save YOU, and only secondarily to save your M. This falls into the "put your own oxygen mask on first, THEN you will be equipped to deal with others" category. They don't usually make it clear in pre-marital counseling that each person needs to be WHOLE on their own in order to get a healthy M out of the deal, and sometimes it takes a major crisis for us to learn this.

The anger may help you detach, although it's best for you to find healthy ways to deal with it. When some of the tortuous misery eased off for me, it was replaced by absolute FURY over what my H was doing. I've never been so very angry, for so long, in my entire life. It's been dissipating slowly over the last 16 months or so, but I still have some of it yet. I think it is something that goes hand in hand with the difficulty I've had with forgiving him, although I have been trying. However, I do have a lot of self-control in this regard, so I have not expressed my anger to him at all since the bomb. I made it a point to be pleasant and polite with him at all times, and avoided being around him when I was angry (go for a walk, hit a pillow or a punching bag, go to a batting cage...). I'm sure he saw a little of it leaking around the edges a few times, but I kept a really tight lid on my feelings.

There are advantages and disadvantages to having him stay at home and in your bed. I think I have expressed what I think about all that...you have to decide what is most important to you. Remember...

Discipline is remembering what you REALLY want.

Peace,
Dawn