Anyone else here have a H who says "I love you, I just don't love our relationship"? He's never said the "I love you, but I'm not in love with you" thing. Anyone have any interpretations to share?
Also, I still feel mostly in the dark about why he is so unhappy in our marriage. I want some concrete things that are constructive for the PRESENT that I can work on. Everything he tells me happened in the distant past. I think it has been conflict most recently; we did bicker about a lot of things over the years. But the bickering, in my mind, was just symptomatic of us not meeting each other's needs. He says I've never been a "we" and made decisions more from a place of "I" and that hurt him. I made financial decisions without his input that changed the course of his life. He resented me for that for years. I always validate this. I've never nagged him, never been overly critical about anything. I'm a pretty independent gal, which I thought he found attractive.
He can't even explain it to me when I ask him what needs he has that I'm not meeting. He has never been good at communicating them to me, to the point that we barely ever had sex. He just points to his head and says "Spewww...something in my brain just left" and "now I don't find you physically or emotionally attractive." He says "My brain is different and I don't know if it will ever change." He emotionally detached from me over a long period of time, he says. So I just don't know what I should be doing differently.
Up until a few days ago, when he got sick and tired of me asking questions about the EA, sick and tired of feeling like I was watching his every move, questioning everything, he was kissing me good bye at the door in the AM, kissing me good night, and even asked me to sleep in the guest bed with him. I keep backsliding by doing all the wrong things...
I stopped saying "I Love You" on the phone, stopped giving him hugs. Feeling so low tonight...
Me 39, H 41 M 17, T 21 Son, 4 Bomb 2.09, Two EAs Separated 8.4.09 My Long Story and First Postings
