It can take years with teenagers. My fathers death coincided with my 12th birthday. The age mixed with the events is very profound. Yes, the separation is contributing. Can you take the mental space for yourself? Sort of DB with your daughter... Really, just let her know and see by your actions that you are there, consistent etc.
BTW- 4 months is NOTHING and there is no normal yet (as illustrated by your vacation dilemma). More time. Sorry, but I think it can actually be a good thing for you. You can't fix this for D12. You've got to try to relax.
Really, just let her know and see by your actions that you are there, consistent etc.
