DBing Advice??? Ultimatums Bad?

[eternaloptimist]

Hi, I'm still new here and getting over the shock of H's emotional affairs. Trying to GAL but really screwing everything up I think. Could use some tips on my sitch today:

H and I are in a unique situation with our son's school that has raised an ultimatum of sorts. If we can't make our marriage work and can't live together in the same house peacefully, I thought that I would need to move out. H refuses to move out of our house. Otherwise, we'll owe $9K for son's school in the fall. So, we're kind of in a bind to make a decision by July 1st. Awhile ago, we agreed that we needed to set a deadline for either working on the marriage or getting the Big D. Now I see that this kind of thinking is more or less setting up failure for DBing, anyone agree? H has the "pressure" of making a choice. This basically goes against everything DBing, correct? We should NOT be talking about the relationship, instead focusing on our son and what is best for him.

Yesterday, it occurred to me that this "pressure" of making a choice is all a moot point. Whether or not H wants to work on marriage, I should not have to move out, find a new school for son, find a new place to live, put myself financially in a vise, and more or less have my life completely turned inside out. We can't afford to get divorced now anyway b/c we can't sell our house.

So...what should I do? Here's what I'm thinking. Tell H tonight that I've given this a lot of thought...that we don't have to make any big decisions right now. Let's just agree to do right by our son...send him to his great school this fall b/c that will be best for him, best for me (really), and best for H who needs time to sort out his feelings post-affair fog. And we'll just see what happens with us?

Do I sound very pragmatic and reasonable to the guys out there? H sees me as an emotional wreck. Would love some more DBing advice from any WAHs out there. I keep buying all of his favorite foods, doing all of the wrong things. I would love some tips. Thanks in advance!!!