Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Antlers, Yes, showing compassion menas you are leading, doesn't mean be a doormat or pursue.

You think that since she still has seething anger directed at me...that she still cares some for me?

Yes, anger means she is still attached to you and the family. She is conflicted about what she is doing, still hurting and waching you. The expression around here is she is going to spew all over you. So you my friend need to get a spew raincoat so it just rolls off you. So the next time she gets angry remember that it is good, hold your ground don't react emotionally, validate her feelings but dispute any mind reading (you think.....) When you don't react the way she expects you are showing compassion by just listening.
Your e-mail exchange is getting to her, it's not normal Antlers behavior. How do you feel about what you are doing?
Cheers

Showing compassion means that I'm leading, even though she treats me like crap, and it makes me feel like a doormat? I haven't pursued in a good long time! I know that compassion should be exhibited, even when you are mistreated in return. It'd just be nice for her to know that I'm compassionate...since our marriage lacked compassion on my part in the past.

Hard to imagine that she is still attached to anything that has to do with me! She even stated last night that 'we are not a family anymore'! Does that sound like she's attached to the family? I hope she is conflicted about what she is doing! I want her to heal from her hurts. I hope she is watching me! She does spew all over me, man! I've been trying to shed it like water off a duck's back! I'll try to remember that the next time she gets angry...that it's good!?!? I'll remain steady and not react emotionally. I'll continue to validate her feelings. I can't read minds...what do you mean by "dispute" it? I haven't reacted the bad way that I used to in quite a while! I'm showing her compassion by not doing that...and by listening? I hope the E-mail exchanges are getting to her...in a good way for me! You're right...it's not normal antlers behavior. I feel pretty good about what I've been doing! I feel crappy and hurt that things are the way they are though!


ps - Coach, you are considered a sage here on this board...and I appreciate it anytime you post to me and help me out. Thank you!