And, I played it pretty cool despite my inner spinning.
A&K, You posted to Antlers that you were better helping others than yourself. Can you say co-dependent. Take care of yourself. So how to use that to your advantage while you are working on it? Detach and look down on your sitch like you are a outsider and coach yourself, you are on the outside looking in the fishbowl. What would you tell yourself to do? What's holding you back? Choose to love yourself. You can handle it. Cheers
I thank you Coach for chiming in. Your words are golden.
When it comes to someone else's sitch, Can you say no attachment on my part, total objectivity, no risk for me?
Co-dependent. Yes, I'll buy that too; working on it.
As an outsider? That's painful. Check out SP's thread...watching a train crash while I'm in it with my kids is hellish. Knowing that H and I are steering the train, even worse. Knowing that we both have lived through D and suffered the ramifications, too much. Knowing what H and I are capable of being to each other, the friendship that our R was built upon, hard to accept defeat.
If I were my friend, hmmm...I'd probably be right p*ssed and telling her to get him out and set some boundaries. HOWEVER, having watched my friend kick her ex out and subsequently suffer from the same character defects and go back and forth with him for two years, not sure it is so black and white. See my post to AJ. There is likely a method to my madness.
Question is, am I being selfish? Do my kids need me to take a different course of actions? Am I allowing them to flounder?
I was at a school function with H today and it was really comfortable and friendly at moments and then really sad and weird at other moments...mostly when projecting, "so sad, all these kids have their intact families but not ours."
Went to lunch after with H and one of his friends met us. Awkward, yes. Then, I found my footing and was just me. But, why the hell did I have time to sit around and listen to H talk about rock star some more and brag about the note that was in five star hotel room from big famous (gorgeous) actress who would "love to spend time with him"...I think it was a joke rock star played on him but wouldn't be impossible at this point.
In the car on the way home, I just looked at him, I mean really looked at him and he glanced over and smiled. First real connection and it was because I wasn't judging, I was consciously just taking him in...
Me, what am I doing? I better get back to work. I've already spent half my day on H.
