Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Just to clarify... I'm not guaranteeing or even guessing that you will win your marriage back.

Your kids, though. They are yours forever and they will always look to you for approval and guidance. If you carry yourself with dignity, treat them with genuine kindness and love... really listen to them and help them through life's difficulties... How can they NOT love their father? Eventually, your W's anger will likely cool off when she realizes that it is for her own good. And then perhaps she will be able to see you through kinder, more open eyes.

You can't be desperate or impatient. This isn't going to be quick.

I have a couple of GFs, sisters, whose parents split up when they were just entering high school. They HATED their father for leaving. Today, they are in their late 30s. They now hang on his every word and yearn for time with him.

Your kids will come around. Just wait out those nasty early/mid teens! And stay the course with your personal development, for yourself first, and then for them.

Hang in there.

Lucky

I realize that LuckyGirl. No guarantees, but I myself still have hope. I'm leaving her alone. No communication at all, except regarding the kids. And even then, it's short and to the point.

I hope my kids will always look to me for approval and guidance. My youngest daughter doesn't though...since the separation. I will be carry myself with dignity, that has taken some work through all of this. I will treat them with genuine kindness and love like I have been. I will listen to them, even daughters disrespect and hatefulness. I want to help them through this (wife thinks it's no problem at all for them) and all of life's difficulties that I can. I don't know how they can NOT love their father...my son and oldest daughter do...but I don't feel it at all from our youngest daughter. I hope my wife's anger cools off, and I hope she heals. I have so much remorse for my past anger and resentment that it's been debilitating at times. I would truly love for her to be able to see me through kinder, more open eyes. I'm about a zillion miles away from being the way that I used to be.

I know. When she first said that she was leaving, I did all of the wrong things. I was truly devastated. But I've improved a lot as far as desparation goes. And I've improved a lot as far as patience goes too! She's valuable enough to me that I'm willing and committed to do the work, and give her space and time. I know it won't be quick. What's a year or more when you're talking about the next 30 or more years? She has told me though, in a painful phone conversation last April 30th that "I'm not gonna just keep hanging on to this!" It hurt bad!

I love my kids. And I'm sorry for the way our lives have been in the past because of my anger and resentment. I've done everything I can to make amends. She (wife) still hates me, and my youngest daughter couldn't care less! Sure don't want to have to wait till my daughter is in her 30's though, before she loves me again. My son likes being with me.

I hope she will come around...this hurts pretty bad, on top of the other stuff! 'Patience...learn it, live it'...huh? I will stay the course with my personal development. I'll do it because it needs to be done...period. I will benefit from it, my kids will benefit from it, and hopefully my wife will benefit from it.

Thank you LuckyGirl, for working with, and helping me. i know it takes time and effort, and I am so appreciative.