d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Grace,

My only coping mechanism is when D4 sleeps, I cry my eyes out. Or take the baby monitor into my H's new barn and scream and cry out there so I don't wake D4. Maybe childish at my age but seems to help. Then alot of praying for strength for the Lord to help give me stength and wisdom.

I know he's making a mistake with all of this, but I wish he wouldn't even pick up our D4 anymore. If he doesn't want her then stay the heck away from her. But then I think he's trying to handle his own confusing stuff right now. I'm pretty sure the stripper has stiffed him about the car payment. H told me she was paying him every month for it. HA-HA - oh yea!! I just fell off the turnip truck yesterday too. He's going to be stuck with the stupid payment for 5 years. I'm sure she won't be stuck with him for that long.

Mutual friends of ours saw H in strip club, sitting in the corner by himself. While his "friend" was entertaining another client at the bar. He sat for 1 1/2 hrs waiting for her I'm sure. She wouldn't even pay him any attention, not even a glance. Why should she? she was getting all the drinks from some other lost soul. I guess my H finally got up and left the club. Poor baby, he was being ignored !! Maybe he was waiting to get the car payment money from her.

Match made in heaven. FOOLISH !!

I sound so tough when I want to curl up and cry. Or maybe a punching bag in the barn with our wedding picture on it. H has D4 this weekend and I think I'm going to go and visit with friends. I never had real close friends because - Duh -- work, husband, family always came first.

Thanks for putting up with my ranting and raving.