"At the risk of getting hit with a club, how does one "listen to them with compassion to what their needs were in the past and show them we listened" as we "sacrifice without expectations" while being Dark?
Or is going Dark done after that?"
Hey buddy, I should clarify that when I said to listen to them with compassion, I meant while you're in the R. Not separated on the verge of D.
Like sandi says, going Dark is no contact PERIOD.
You two share kids, so that's not going to happen. Treat her like a good friend who was watching your kids for a few days. You can be polite and caring, but not going out of your way to shower her with attention as you had in the past.
For me, sandi recommended I go "dim" when I was separated because my W would always be around. We weren't necessarily talking, but she would always want to hang around me and the girls. So I would invite her to a few things (lunch with all of us, etc. and she often did the same) just not to everything. With each interaction, I made things light and comfortable. In my W's case, she kept saying she wanted to be single, yet would always be around me. So that "pay attention to half of what they say do and none of what they say" really made sense. And that's how we've ended up where we are now. It was her advice and others that helped me and my W get to where we are.
YOUR situation is different. Your W has been talking to you non-stop and blaming you non-stop. So that's where you stop the cycle by not acknowledging her or setting yourself up for her blame.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
