Once the cat is out of the bag she'll have two options: leave you for him (or them) or give up these other guys. I'd be prepared for the former possibility. So, you could continue on as though this isn't happening until a time comes when the relationship with some other guy is strong enough to overcome her fear of leaving, or you could draw your line in the sand that you aren't going to be second to anyone. I'd take the latter stance.
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I know what I'd do if it were me...(and I did)...I tell her to get out. I'd confront her definitively with the threat of losing me.
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Tell it is unacceptable. Tell her she gets you, or him but not both. This could wind up NOT going in your favor but a weak stance at this point, I think, will get you nothing, just more limbo.
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Just tell her "I know all about you and _______ , and it needs to stop if you want to remain married to me. I am not willing to live in an open marriage" (or whatever it is you want to say).
Just to remind everyone...for 14 months now, with all the good times, with all the closeness and changes in the dynamics, she has ALWAYS....ALWAYS...stuck to her guns and said that she wanted out of the marriage eventually.
I have waited...I have been consistent in my changes and behavior. I knew she was still not happy, and when the occasional R talk came up, I accepted what she said.
She stayed..we plugged along..had fun and drank way too much and continued to be intimate.
I always thought one day she would wake up, commit and realize we had a very good chance at working this all out.
The time will come, maybe, when I am made out to be a bigger fool than I feel like right now...but still don't think there has been anything physical. I DO believe it is coming to that point...I'm not a complete fool, I hope.
Maybe this is her way of letting me down easy...maybe the new EA has given her the strength to finally move on?
Have to be away from here for a while.
You guys are awesome.
WT...I am a little worried about me too, but I think I will be fine. Hoping the truth will set me free and not knock me out?
When this comes to pass, there is a whole other world of financial ramifications that will have to be dealt with and I still have my daughter to think about.
My assumption is my wife's thinking is still very narrow minded...emotionally and sexually, but I also am not naive enough to think that may win out over taking this one step at a time so that we don't both end up out on the street.
In her mind, I think she is feeling that she has waited over a year for me to move on, and can't wait any longer. So, she may be willing to forgo any sane conversation about how we can remain financially solvent, separated and move on together.
Trying to remain open minded and will listen if she talks. If not, I have no choice but to wait it out, stop all physical contact and move on emotionally.
I will not pack my bags and leave, and I will not throw her out, but I think she is perfectly capable right now of doing something far from what I ever expected from her.
