d-day coming soon - help !

[misshim]

Last night my H brought D4 home from daycare. He was in a foul mood with my D4. She was being an active child, she wants to play not watch TV. He asked if I had anything to eat and I had leftovers so I made him some. D4 and H ate dinner and I sat drinking my water. After dinner he went and laid in lazy boy and D4 and I went outside to play. He wouldn't talk which is normal for him, so I left him alone (not normal for me)

He wanted to stay and put D4 to bed. Then back to lazy boy chair. He dozed on and off (talking in sleep and snoring and body twitches) must have alot on his mind!!!

When he awoke he's out the door checking on his cell phone. He does that constantly. (not normal for him) He acted like he wanted to talk to me but couldn't find his way. I finally asked him, do you want to talk? He did (big time) told me how our D4 drives him nuts and he can't take it. How he has a bad temper (actually he's good, the crabbier he gets the quieter he is and never violent). Told me he was a bad father (i used to say no you aren't, but I just said sorry you feel that way). H even said probably when our D4 turns 10 she will be cussing him out and disrespecting him. WTH??? (must be from his past?) I said she will form her own opinion of you and she shouldn't be doing that if we raise her the right way.? He just blew that one off.

Then he tells me about his friend that he evies. Never been married, likes the strippers and dates them only. Because then he has no commitment!! I knew he was talking about himself. (I had that one figured out awhile back) Pay for their time and no I LOVE YOU's need to be said. I said well I wish your friend alot of luck if that's how he wants to spend his life & MONEY. I said I like having a family and knowing that I am needed and loved by my child. H got very quiet and nervous and had to leave.

I'm really angry writing this. The D is june 29 and I do believe I'm done trying. I don't know what to do anymore. I've tried not to pressure him with anything. Not sure if he even has MLC or just crazy. Why have a child and wife and home only to leave them because the child is stressfull?? I know believe 1/2 of what they say. He's always telling me that he needs no one and he can take care of himself. Well he'll get his chance soon.

At least I will be able to tell my D4 someday that I tried everything to save this marriage. Who knows where he'll be and I really don't care!! ( who am I trying to kid) I love the foolish s***head.

I keep telling myself that maybe he'll change his mind. But my heart is telling me forget it, it's done. There is way to many painful child memories for him and he has always told me he needs nobody to be in his life. Guess I should have listened to him. (wish he would have told me that B4 our marriage. When I used to tell him - if you give me 10% of your love I'd give you 110% of mine - I wasn't kidding either, but now I realize he didn't have 10% to give.

I've tried to be strong and keep busy but now I'm running on Empty - heart and soul slowly fading.

I almost think he never loved me at all but was looking for away to get out of his parents house, that's why he married me.