Not wanting to labour my point above, and with the greatest of respect to all:-
And this is all from my experience...not wanting to suggest that it will be identical or even resemble anyone else's...
1. children will not be upset.
My son was very upset, being in the middle of his mum and dad who were trying their best to be up-beat and cordial around him but could see no respect or semblance of friendship between them.
2. your wife could use the help.
My W resented any help I tried to offer - and when she accepted it, did so begrudgingly and not at all gratefully. "Too much too late". Also I think that my W failed to recognise much of what I sorted "behind the scenes" - - staying put was hardly going to make her wake up to that...when I tried I was seen as belligerent!
3. It will give you a chance to work on patience, not run away from it.
I became a Jedi Master of Patience - but in the face of indifference verging upon hate and this killed any shred of self respect I had...she had an affair for 2 years and when that was killed post-bomb she still went out and found herself another man...
4. you can work on being the friend your wife has been craving.
Maybe - but my W was closed to getting her love bucket filled by me - ...instead she found another provider...at that stage - with me in the house I was in no fit state to offer my W a better alternative.
5. keep improving yourself.
I tried -really really tried with the whole GAL business - but while I was there it looked and was false...embedded in false hope for a turn-around - again "too much too late" and not at all convincing...
Like I said above - what appear to be sound principles are easily disproved in reality...
So...what went wrong?
I stayed, I helped, I GALed, I was a friend, I had patience...
All the ingredients were there?
No...
None of that showed CONFIDENCE and ME...for me staying in the house further embroiled me in a longer protracted spiral of self destruction - and became further ammunition in my W's armoury.
Like I said up-thread - the power of the DB boards is to challenge, question, validate, provoke thoughts/ideas and clarify - not to say to do this or that...
The decision to do this or that has to be well and truly left to the individual...
