Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

You D is 13 or around there? Ohhhh ho ho... I was EVIL at 13. The hormones rage and NOTHING is fair and parents are uncool and embarrassing. Keep in mind that this situation is landing on top of a difficult age for your D. I promise - It WILL pass.

Four months seems like a long time, but it could take until she is 15 or 16 to level out and see clearly. Your W isn't going to do everything perfectly in your D's eyes, either, so your D will eventually have enough evidence to understand that no one is the bad guy here.

Don't look at what your W is doing. Keep doing what you are doing and keep the faith. Don't watch the clock. Just decide that you are a better man for the rest of your life. A point will come at which no one can deny that. You will be embraced again.

A father is extremely important to a girl. You are her first definition of a man. By moving out, she will feel abandoned by you no matter what your W has done or how your W feels. Your D will be angry with you no matter what. Please be patient and take her painful cuts and jabs to show her that you will not *really* go away. That you are her dad no matter what, and that you love her no matter what. Be her hero. You almost have to be godlike, I'm sorry to say -- that is a tall order. But, you have to face the pain of your D's rejection and show her that you will always be her rock.

I know you're angry at your W and confused by her reactions to you. Just let her be for now and keep shining.

I hope that helps. I know you have to go through your anger and pain in your own time. You will feel better in time.

Lucky

Yeah, she'll be 13 in November. She gets along great with her mom, but she is hateful and disrespectful to me...since the separation. I hope it will pass...it hurts!

Four months does seem like a long time...I just hope she levels out at some point! She is so biased, and I know my wife is encouraging her...because she can. Wife was never like this before either!

Ok, I'll keep doing what I am and have been doing! I'm staying strong the best I can, and keeping faith and remaining hopeful...despite the mean and hurtful things that my wife continues to say to me. I know it takes time...sometimes a very long time! I am a better man, and will be for the rest of my life! I hope a point will come where no one can deny that...especially my wife and youngest daughter.

I've always thought that too, but my daughter couldn't care less about me! She saw me angry and resentful for a lot of her life...then she saw me weak and devastated when my wife left. I didn't move out...my wife moved out! I am still in our home. She doesn't feel abandoned by her mom! Why isn't she angry at her mom? I've been patient, I'm still here and I'm not going anywhere...and she still cuts like a knife and jabs like a boxer! I've told her, and shown her, that I'm her dad and I love her no matter what! She sees me in a derogatory light. She doesn't look up to me. Godlike, huh? That is a tall order! Her rejection is painful, as is her mothers.

I am not angry at her. I'm hurt by her, and I'm frustrated! I've been trying to shed this stuff like water off a duck's back...the painful things my wife says to me. I'm really doing the best I can, and I'm so different than I used to be...although it doesn't matter to her anymore.

Your feedback does help LuckyGirl. I'm not mad. But I have been...and still am...dealing with much pain. I hope I continue to feel better with the passing of time.