Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Then, help me out with that! How would I feel like I wasn't rolling over. We've always taken big trips. I want to stay calm and loving...value, respect, and compassion.

Antlers,

Could you break the trip into two parts and come back for a day in the middle? Make it an even more special trip for the kids by taking them one place for 5-7 days, come back home so they can see W for a day, then hit the road again? Have you really "caved" if you do this? No, you've acknowledged your roll in the snafu (for which you each bear some responsibility), figured out an alternative, shown W that you hear her (even if you don't agree), and, perhaps best of all, given the children an even better experience with you. Would that feel like rolling over?

You could even "position" it this way: "Say W, been thinkin' 'bout my plans. It wouldn't hurt for me to come back for a day in the middle of the trip... I have to _________ that day anyway. SO, I changed plans and we'll be back in town on June __; can I leave them with you that day? I’ll pick them up again at __ p.m. and we'll be on our way again. I know I'd miss them, too, if we were apart that long. I'm not looking forward to these absences myself, you know. But, I think that might work out for all of us."


-AlexEN

Yeah, I could do something like that. They, and she, might be Ok with something like that. She might not...I don't know. I don't know if it's 'caving in' or not? If we took our big vacation, and she wasn't there...there would be no fighting between she and I like she said there always was...and the kids and I could have a good time! I do believe we each bear some responsibility for miscommunication regarding this issue. I certainly don't mind working out alternatives, and showing my wife that I listen to her. I want to do things like that! They don't mean anything to her though, anymore! The children are gonna have fun...I'll see to that, regardless of where we go or for how long! Maybe it's not rolling over, although she would see it as her being able to dictate to me once more.

I like your response too! If I use it, and I'm still working on a response, I'll probably do some editing. Thank you AlexEN for helping me out so far. Thank you for your time and effort.