WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Volleydog,

Thanks for the feedback and support. The last 3 weeks have been particularly tough on me (not that the first 5 months wasn't rough).

I think I'm getting a handle on my approach but am definitely open to more feedback

I'm trying to get back to DB/DR basics. I had outlined goals earlier but will reread them to make sure they are still appropriate

Another element I have come to terms with, that I recently realized, is trying to forgive myself for the hurt/pain inflicted upon my family. I've talked to my therapist on this as well as my friends. Last Sunday, the church service was about divorce and also talked about forgiveness. My therapist tells me that I should start each day by saying out loud that "I choose to forgive myself". My friends have been very supportive as they say I've done/doing all that I can do but she is choosing to close the door.

I'm really struggling with letting go of the guilt to forgive myself. Perhaps that the same issue my wife is experiencing in letting go of her hurt. Maybe she's doing that so she won't feel the guilt. But that's what she needs to work on.

Part of my struggle with letting go of the guilt is when I see the boys. When they are upset about the situation, I'm reminded of the guilt. When they are happy and carefree, I feel guilty that they can't be like that all the time.

But I guess that's why my therapist talks about forgiveness as a choice. I'm working on it but its a tough choice to live