Newcomer requesting advice

[traveldane]

Hey Montana,

I know how hard going dark is, especially feeling like they could care less...they WANT the space the darkness provides! Its soooo frustrating.

I try to picture the analogy that many here point to, that if we pursue, even a little bit, they focus only on running. Not sure what they are running towards, but rejecting us and getting away becomes their organizing strategy. Even if it doesn't feel powerful, lets take that power of an organizing strategy away. Run all you want, you are free, go on with your super freedom. Maybe they are whooping it up right now.

But, at a certain point, you can't run from something that is not chasing you. You are left alone with your thoughts, your half baked reasons...

Anyway, the GAL and PMA have to be our focus right now. Its really hard, I am struggling with it so much. People say, do all the things you always dreamed of...yeah, well, I never gave up things I wanted and I actually liked most of what I had, until it fell apart...so thanks for the permission to find myself but...

I think this is where the PMA comes in. Yes, this is not what I want but it is what I have and I am not going to fail myself. I am great, am going to find a little bit of something great, for me. I am trying with the yoga and the seeing friends, etc. It is getting a little easier, or at least, more acceptable to focus on.

One thing that helps me to remember is, my H has to fix himself, I can't help right now, and until he does, just getting back together would not make either of us happy. H is no good to me right now, so just pinning for him is no good. Its not like he is great and whole and just withholding himself from me...he is a mess. I don't want a mess. I want him whole. Sometimes it helps to remember that, so that i don't just focus on WHY can't we just try RIGHT NOW!

Anyway, I think your idea of detaching and trying to conjure up PMA even thought it is really hard, is where its at. Its an investment in yourself, which will serve you well regardless of what happens with your M. Goal setting has helped me, it really has.

Hang in, let me now how you are doing!