Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Hi Antlers,

I don't know... The root of this conflict is lack of communication. I think you need to back off of this fight or she is just going to conclude that you are being stubborn and selfish. Even though YOU ARE NOT (don't think I'm name-calling here.)

I really would back off from this and reconfigure the trip for a shorter period of time. She does have a right to an opinion on this matter. I wouldn't want to be apart from my son for that long, either.

I know you are angry, and rightfully so, but I don't think staying firm on what you want for this vacation is going to yield good results. It would be different if you had discussed this with her prior, without making assumptions about what she was planning based on heresay.

This advice probably isn't what you want to hear, but it is what I think will make you the better man in this conflict.

Perhaps others will chime in with differing perspectives.

Best,
Lucky

I don't know either LuckyGirl! Maybe we should have communicated more beforehand, but she has told me that what she does is none of my business...but what I do 'is' her business? She has said 'we're not a family anymore'...but wants to have a say-so when the kids are with me? You think I should back off? I don't want to fight or have conflict. I am not stubborn or selfish...anymore! But, she will find something wrong with everything that I do or say, because she is still so pissed at me.

So, I should reconfigure our trip? For her? It won't matter to her or change anything...she'll just figure she steamrolled me again! She has a right to on opinion on this...but she's told me that "it's none of your business" when it comes to her. I didn't want to go from being a full-time parent to being a part-time parent either...but I had no choice in the matter!

I'm not angry...really I'm not. I'm frustrated! Nothing that I say or do yields good results with her. I can give in, like I've been doing, and still have no respect from any of them. My son actually gets mad at me for not being more firm with her! Maybe discussing it with her prior would have been better...I don't know.

I want to be the better man...always. I've been a bastard in the past, and it's what led to the overwhelming majority of our problems. I'm NOT that way anymore. I want to do the right thing...for all involved, including myself.

I hope others will chime in with their perspectives.



ps - Thank you for helping me with this LuckyGirl. I'm having a hard time too!