Gonna Get Me A Mojo Hand

[AlexEN]

Gosh if only reason and logic was all it took to fix our sitches. If our WAS could only see things differently then our M and family would stay intact.
Here's part of the LBS fog: our wives/husbands are just as scared, hurt, confused, frustrated, and impatient as us, we just can't see it. Why can't we see it- we are still holding onto unproductive and unhealthy beliefs and actions. Our spouses believe they are taking the best course of action, any talk, prayers, pressure and reasoning won't change it right now. BTDT, didn't work for me either. You have to emotionally lead thru this time.
You can't emotionally lead until you get your emotions under control and have let go of the fear, anger, and frustration you hold onto. Mojo isn't the right tool to accomplish this. It's is loving yourself first, practice self-care, examine your emotions, thoughts and feelings. Work on your physical, emotional, intellectual and emotional fitness. This about working on yourself. Cross the chasm from fear to love. You have a choice in how you handle things. To choose wisely think thru your sitch and seek understanding. What are things you can do to improve yourself and care for your beloved when things seem the darkest? This time in your life becomes a whole lot easier once you realise it's all about you. You can make a difference, you are being watched (spouse, friends, family, DBers), you will thrive once you get it, and it does matter how you handle yourself. Strength and Honor.
Cheers

Coach,

Believe it or not, I think many above are agreeing with much of what you are saying... My purpose in writing what I did was to point out that no matter how right we think we are, it's irrelevant and counterproductive to "harp on it".

It's an amazing statistic, isn't it? In Vegas they'd call it a "sucker's bet"... 1 out of 5 unhappy WAS will be happy in 5 years; but 4 out of 5 VERY unhappy AWAS who "do the work" will be happily married in 5 years... That's why "for the sake of the kids" is a perfectly valid reason... but for the fact that the statement alienates the WAS in the short-term, making the long-term never happen...

And, as Thinker correctly points out, they KNOW that their bet will "pan out". So, no amount of convincing will ever work. I just wrote this in an off-line exchange with a fellow DBer (one who is much wiser than I):

The irony is that, if anything, when the WAS is where “they are”, our search for the perfect RESPONSE is more likely to backfire and to make them dig their heels in (consciously or sub-consciously)....

In a way, though, it’s not so surprising. DBers are counselled to look at ACTIONS not words; the converse is true, too, the WAS sees our ACTIONS and ignores our words.

I can't speak for Smiley, but my interpretation of "Mojo" is almost exactly as you defined what needs to be done instead of trying to convince through pressure and reasoning which don't matter in our situations. I thought a distinct component of Mojo was (although I'd defer to Smiley's definition):

...loving yourself first, practice self-care, examine your emotions, thoughts and feelings. Work on your physical, emotional, intellectual and emotional fitness. This about working on yourself. Cross the chasm from fear to love. You have a choice in how you handle things. To choose wisely think thru your sitch and seek understanding. What are things you can do to improve yourself and care for your beloved when things seem the darkest? This time in your life becomes a whole lot easier once you realise it's all about you.

-AlexEN