Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

Antlers,

I'm a little bit sketchy on your entire vacation sitch here, but I have some questions for you... First, is there a true economic cost to you changing your plans. Secondly, are you sure you aren't falling into old patterns by not being willing, despite your feelings about it (and no matter how "wrong" you may feel she is), to compromise?

Separately, and not to throw fuel on the fire, does the fact that she has had conversations with D about the trip imply that she knew more about the specifics than she let on... or could those conversations all have happened once the miscommunication came to light?

In any event, if there really isn't an economic cost of changing your plans, I think there is a way to compromise that wouldn't feel like "rolling over" to you...

-AlexEN

AlexEN, I could change the plans right now with no economic costs. I don't feel like I'm unwilling to compromise...I'm definately not like I used to be. I don't mind the kids going to wife's parents for a cuople of weeks this summer like they told me they might do.

Daughter doesn't know specifics either, as I was gonna surprise them by taking them somewhere that they LOVED in the past! She's not doing me any favors with the kids, especially daughter. More conversations have taken place, probably, since the miscommunication came to light. She has 'won' daughter over to her side...something I have no interest in doing with any of our kids.

Then, help me out with that! How would I feel like I wasn't rolling over. We've always taken big trips. I want to stay calm and loving...value, respect, and compassion.