You've obviously worked tremendously hard, and I can understand that you absolutely must have respect from your family. I don't think you should just take it from her. You just need to stand tall and dignified and let her see all that you are. There isn't much more you can do, and if she wants to stay in the gutter of anger... that is HER problem, not yours. You can rise above and be happy, loving, sane and stable dad.
You seem to cherish these vacations, and I think that is terrific. But, what if the kids ARE dreading it? Do you really want them to be dragged on a vacation that they are dreading? Perhaps they aren't ready... I think I would want to talk with them about it, tell them how excited you are about it, and ask if they are too.
I'm so sorry. Such a tough situation.
Lucky
My son told me he wanted to go to Phoenix! And my daughter told me she wanted to go to California! I feel like sending her this message...
"Wife, I understand and relate to your feelings of how much of an adjustment it will be to not see the kids for this time. I'm sure I'd feel the same if the situation were reversed. I think I understand how you're feeling about this, as I sure miss our kids when we're apart."
Again, I didn't have a problem when the kids told me they we're going to their grandmother's house (wife's parents) for a couple of weeks this summer.
"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.
