You've obviously worked tremendously hard, and I can understand that you absolutely must have respect from your family. I don't think you should just take it from her. You just need to stand tall and dignified and let her see all that you are. There isn't much more you can do, and if she wants to stay in the gutter of anger... that is HER problem, not yours. You can rise above and be happy, loving, sane and stable dad.
You seem to cherish these vacations, and I think that is terrific. But, what if the kids ARE dreading it? Do you really want them to be dragged on a vacation that they are dreading? Perhaps they aren't ready... I think I would want to talk with them about it, tell them how excited you are about it, and ask if they are too.
