Newly separated...spouse left, 4th thread

[antlers]

We are going on 4 months of physical separation. I haven't raised my voice, argued, said mean things, taken her for granted, ot hurt her in any way since last December. I, on the other hand, have been treated like crap...like a doormat, quite a bit since then. She still has a lot of anger and resentment towards me...it seemed to be dying down a little...I thought, until now! I am fully aware of my part in all of this, and I have done everything humanly possible to make amends...including giving her time and space...I'm detatching and dropping the rope...but I'm not giving up hope. It still hurts a lot to have her say the things to me that she does..."we're not a family anymore". She cuts me down to prop herself up. She's angry and crazed about the situation, and lashes out at me from an emotional reaction. My wife fosters my 12 y/o daughter's derogatory attitude towards me...after she cautioned me about doing that very thing before she left, but after she made the decision to leave. I have not done that with our kids, nor will I. I'm torn on this. I think we should be able to take our vacation as planned. I don't want to just roll over to her demands! I'm trying to negotiate in good faith here. I'm ignoring her jabs...as bad as they hurt. I'm looking for solutions, and I don't want to go back to the old destructive dynamic that we used to have. She is being rude, bossy, and dictative. I don't want any more conflict or ill feelings! I don't intend to feed into her hurtful jabs at me. I want her to feel like her input is valued and appreciated...especially if it's in a polite and respectful way. I don't think she likes not being able to 'call the shots', and she's fighting it. She did choose to leave and not include herself in things like family vacations. The vacations should continue, they just won't include her...that was her choice. The kids and I are still a family, and she chose to remove herself from that. She can do this...she just doesn't want to! She isn't doing me any favor in the kids eyes, especially my 12 y/o daughter. Should I accept bad, rude, disrespectful, and dictative behavior?

I really don't know what to do right now, and could use some help with advice and responses!