WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Confused, I think you are too hung up on going "dark" and do not fully understand the concept. Being dark is not having contact with them. How can you listen and show compassion if you are going dark? I think it would be better for you to think in terms of being emotionally detached. JMHO.

Sandi - I pulled this back from Stuck's thread as I didn't want to wind up hijacking his thread.

I think I'm starting to understand better now. I should not initiate any contact with her (Dark), outside of things related with the kids. If we do have contact because of the kids, keep it strictly business.

This doesn't mean don't be cordial and polite (saying Hi and Bye). Also, being upbeat and positive is ok as well.

If she starts attacking/blaming stuff from the past, that's where I should draw my boundary and can say "I've appologized for those in the past and I've am drawing what I've learned from them to work on me" (or is that too much). Or should I just cut it off to "I've already appologized for those in the past.". Or do I add some validation "I can see how you've felt hurt by those things in the past and I've already applogized for that" Or "????"

I know that I should try to be the one to break off contact/call

You are right, I think I've really missed the concept/point of Dark.