he was back, i think

[FightingFit]

it does take time. hell it took me years. I can relate to how hard it is to just.. STOP... but it is like PositivelyMommy says, one day, you just wake up and think "I love who he WAS not who he IS, and hes just not ever going to be who he WAS again". and its like a death, really, its very sad.

I think we put off that death a long time til we can cope with the mourning of it.

its weird you know but in the end you kind of get to a point where you KNOW you could not love him who he is today, and you wonder about how any woman COULD really. but thats another quetion... they reinvent themselves. its not an honest reinvention either.

At least you have this: you had him at his youngest, most virile, most idealistic, most REAL. he had nothing to hide and nothing to lie about with you. lol NOW how sorry do you feel for the person who ends up with who he IS? a sorry man who hides his past and who he was and lies about every event that made him who he is today..? WOW you wouldnt want to be HER.

Like PM says, you do reach a point where you are still grieving and sad as anything, but also thinking 'yea, thats not what i want'. its the past you grieve, not who he is right now; that person you dont even know, or would want to know, or would care about. hes not on the same compass as you in life. ergo if he was in a different body, you wouldnt even know him or even be attracted to him.... food for thought

when you REALLY assimilate that more fully the OW wont bother you as much and as weird as this sounds you almost wish them on each other... bc your good enough to not wish them on other people...

i think you just reach a point where you realise there were THREE people in your relationship, you, the h, and "the marriage". and "the marriage" was like its own separate being in the end. and you try to breathe life into it and you shake it about and freak out that its dead, but then you just have the TWO of you, and "the marriage" is a dead thing between you. a corpse in the room *dark chuckle*.

im not that concise but i guess what im saying is, when you finall decide "the marriage" is dead you begin focussing on your own self more and seeing your partner without "the marriage" being there. as a separate being; then you think "wow! i dont even like you now!"

but like most things moving on is very sad and very had and most of us breathed life into the corpses of "the marriage" for oh, many years, before we saw our partner truly standing alone...