Confused, I think you are too hung up on going "dark" and do not fully understand the concept. Being dark is not having contact with them. How can you listen and show compassion if you are going dark? I think it would be better for you to think in terms of being emotionally detached. JMHO.
Stuck,
I did not get to finish my post, but I was talking like this MLC was a disease. If you knew that it was a disease that was causing her to say and do the things she did, I think you could have much more patient with her. I do not agree that a MLC is a normal process, but I do think that people and especially couples who live together a long time--go through a transition period and have to regroup, etc. However, MLC is not called a "crises" for nothing. I think we see eye to eye on that.
It is just that it becomes way too personal b/c you are the "butt" of her rejection, sadness, wrath, etc. You would have to be made out of steel not to have emotional relapses from things that happened.
I also wanted to say this for anybody reading.......about watching the movie, Fireproof, or any other movie along those story lines, it is not to be watched with your WAS. The same principle of trying to get them to read material on MR applies to watching movies like this one. It is a great movie! However, she/he will feel trapped and manipulated if you play it for them to see. In the long run, it will only make things worse b/c they know it was for their benefit and it will cause a relapse of any progress made.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
