Hey Kat, Mish..it seems wierd, but I do seem to have quite alot of power and its ok if I say things, or show emotion, he is always super supportive, flings his arms around me. So perhaps I could chance some questions?? Its wierd.. I keep looking at him thinking, but you didnt even phone me for 3 months and now, its like we were never apart. I guess its becuase men can comparmentalise??

I am very broke, I am trying to find work and I am shocked that all the temp agencies have only 1 or 2 jobs online, its the credit crunch. Last summer, there were loads of jobs available, its really shocking.

We are spending every night together now, he even wanted to see me after Tang Soo Do last night (I am grading on Sunday for my yellow belt!), so I dont think it will be long before we live together again.

I dont have any answers, but I just feel relieved that life is back to normal again. It occurred to me today "I have a boyfriend", like, I am allowed to think that now and tell people. We got back together on 16th May...the day Saturn went direct and 18 months to the day since he left me, but its taken me this long to get used to the idea! This morning was like we have rewound 2 years and its a normal morning, except, I am up and about too (less lazy) and he is more attentive and relaxed (less depressed).

I'm dying to ask him lots of things. I did take her numbers out of his work phone, for future reference, but no evidence of her. He happily goes through his camera and phone in front of me and shows me things and scrolls through his inbox.. so I dont think they have stayed in contact at all. He is not in contact with her at work as far as I can tell. I'm not threatened by her AT ALL, she is 100% history, but I am naturally curious!

He just hugs me ALL the time.. constant arms wrapped all around me. I wonder how much of an idiot he feels for leaving me in the first place?? I'm dying to ask him that too.. how he felt being apart, at what point he realised he wanted me back, how it felt ML to her when he didnt love her and thought about me every day.

I want some answers because we are in a bit of a numb zone right now, things are VERY back to normal, but theres lots of underlying unsaid things that need to be bought into the light and then laid to rest, forever. I dont intend to throw it back in his face or hold it against him, ever, I'm just not like that. We need to talk it through though, one example.. at the weekend, BMF cooked some pizza, my bf started saying how great this make was and how they sell them in his local shop and turned to me and said, they're really good arent they, remember we had one of these... and then trailed off, looked confused, then a bit troubled. I have never eaten this pizza before, so he must have confused me with Helen in his mind for a split second! I kind of felt sorry for him! We need to lay these ghosts to rest though.