I shut down physically to H because of deeper issues. I know now that it was not my problem (thought I was frigid) and it was not lack of attraction. I felt too unstable in the R, finances were a mess and I felt responsible for everyone else's well beings in my family.
The non-sexual physical stuff didn't do it. I'll tell you, what helped was when H would take great care of the kids, handle some situation that had been looming, take charge, take some of the burden off of me, support me in some profound way (acknowledge me, do something to exhibit his confidence in me)...
This is deeper than sex. Read Passionate Marriage by Shnarch...really illuminating.
