Originally Posted By: CityGirl
I guess for me its hard to advise exactly because you and I are in totally different places. I have been separated for 18 months and my H has been having an affair for that entire time.

It is now up to me to decline or accept the legal separation and the *only* way I will deal with him anymore is in a polite business like way. I wont ever be rude or ugly to him but I deal with him because I have to, not because I want to. As long as I feel good about how I speak with my H that is all that matters.

And all that I posted in my previous post was about the WAS (your W) and not the LBS (you).

Your situation is still quite fresh so I guess your approach might need to be softer. But, I still stick to the fact that boundaries must be present. It is one thing to validate, listen and be the "safe place" for the WAS to turn. Its another thing to coddle and accept bad, rude, disrespectful and dictative behavior.

I see there is a difference of opinion here and that is great - its how we learn and brainstorm but I dont find stating the facts to be patronizing. I dont know your W and do not know if she is versed in things such as Skype or webcams hence the reason I offered the suggestion.

I tend to get wordy, its just my nature. Collaborative editing is always a good thing!



CityGirl...your advice is great, and appreciated. I really appreciate you taking the time that you have for me. 18 months, huh? that's a long time! I'm going on 4 months myself. I'm sorry that he's been cheating on you!

I understand your approach in your situation. I don't want to be rude or ugly either! I'm glad that you feel good about you, and I hope that continues to get even better and stronger. You pretty much seem like a rock to me...and I mean that in a GOOD way!

Your knowledge and perspective of WAS and LBS is great and helpful...to lots of us here on this board. Thanks.

Yeah...I think softer is better for my situation right now. I understand your feelings about boundries too! I want to listen and validate, and keep the road home paved smooth...but I don't want to be a doormat!

It's a difference of opinion that makes a horserace...right? The more information we have from multiple sources...the better informed we will be.


"Always go straight forward, and if you meet the devil, cut him in two and go between the pieces." - William Sturgis, clipper ship captain, 1830's.