We were renting this house together, so I don't think I can change the locks.
What should I do?
Oh, I'm going into the city today for a dr's appt. and I'm going to buy a hot, little summer dress to make me feel good about myself. Even though I feel very unlovable right now, I have to fake it until I really do feel confident about myself.
Me 40 WAH 43 T 4 years M 91/2 months sep. for 3 weeks stepson 9 1 dog/cat No D filed
I changed my profile name to Montana. For one thing, I had "hopeful" spelled wrong. And I just decided that since I'm growing and changing myself for the better, then Montana fits me better than "hopfulinMT". Montana sounds full of endless possibilities and dreams. Montana echoes of a free spirit in a big sky. So Montana I shall be.
So before I went to the city today, I swung by the PO to pick up my mail. H's house is right down the block from the PO, so I decided to turn into that block to see if he was home. I wasn't going to stop and see him, I was just curious to see if he and SS were home. Lo and behold, he was walking toward the PO and saw me. Of course, I had to think of something quickly to say so it didn't look like I was "stalking". So I rolled down the window and told him that his weekly news mag. was in our PO box. He had asked me if it had come last week. H told me that he has a different PO box now. So I went into the PO with him to give him the mag. I asked how SS was. H said it's been a hard week with him because he hasn't wanted to leave the house because of the cold weather,etc. I asked if I could go see him. H said yes, so I went over and spent a few minutes with SS. He was very happy to see me. I told SS he could always come to my house, (I called it his other home) to visit whenever he wants. I told him that Daddy can bring him over to my house while I'm in the city today so he can watch cartoons and see his cat. (They don't have cable yet) I told him I miss him and love him and that I'm looking forward to taking him swimming the week after next. (Tomorrow he's with his M for a week) While SS and I were talking, H was sitting on chair looking pleased.
It was great seeing SS again. H was distant but polite. He asked if the escrow check had come in yet so I can write him a check for the deposit (landlords cashed it) that he put down for the place we rented together. Should I give it to him?
Before I left, I told H to have a good week in LA.
When I got back from the city, I noticed that H and SS had been here while I was gone. I wasn't surprised since I did invite them to come over if they wanted to while I was gone. But I'm not really going dark if I suggested they come over, is it? It's tough, because I don't want to go dark with my SS.
I still don't know if I should get the locks changed or just ask for the keys back or just let him keep the keys. I don't want to make H upset or uncomfortable.
I found the perfect sundress today. Now I just need to work on my tan!
Me 40 WAH 43 T 4 years M 9 1/2months stepson 9 1 dog/cat H left 3 weeks ago
Today WAH is heading to LA for a week to visit his dad and some companies that he works for. I want to send him an email letting him know that a friend had left a message and also I want to wish him fun on his trip. Would that be pursuing?
Tomorrow I want to call my MIL and talk to her about everything. She did tell me to give her a call sometime the last time I spoke with her. But do I need to detach from her as well?
Mornings are always the hardest. I need to start making daily/weekly goals like I've seen some of you doing.
I wonder if my H ever thinks about me. My life has turned out so differently from what I wanted.
Me 40 WAH 43 T 4 years M 9 1/2 months stepson 9 H moved out 3 weeks ago No D filed
Pick up SS next time, do not invite them both over, again you are making this waaayyy too comfortable for him. No, you are not being dark. Quit driving by his house, you are staking him in his mind.
Is the message from friend important? If not H can contact his friends.
Ask yourself this question:
"Is it better to avoid H and have him miss me, or keep doing things that allows him to project his resentment on me?"
DO NOT CALL MIL!!!! AVOID talking about R to MIL. This is also pressure on your spouse. I would avoid talking about your R issues with almost everyone. Find a good friend or two and that is it. They should be good listeners and empathetic. Counselors and posting here are fine.
H thinks about you as much as you think about him. Give him space to be with his thoughts. Work on YOU. Post you list of goals. Do things that make YOU happy.
HUGS
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
So I went into the PO with him to give him the mag. I asked how SS was. H said it's been a hard week with him because he hasn't wanted to leave the house because of the cold weather,etc. I asked if I could go see him. H said yes, so I went over and spent a few minutes with SS. He was very happy to see me. I told SS he could always come to my house, (I called it his other home) to visit whenever he wants. I told him that Daddy can bring him over to my house while I'm in the city today so he can watch cartoons and see his cat. (They don't have cable yet) I told him I miss him and love him and that I'm looking forward to taking him swimming the week after next. (Tomorrow he's with his M for a week) While SS and I were talking, H was sitting on chair looking pleased.