WAW - Very confused and devastated - pt 10

[confusedinpa]

Volleydog,

I know I'm focused on my wife as I do love her and want to save our marriage relationship. However, I do know that is not what she wants now so there is nothing I can do to work on that marriage relationship.

When I outlined the various situations/responses, I was trying to make sure I understood what Sandi and other's have been telling me to break away from the "play nice loving" approach. I'm most particularly concerned with situation 1, 6 & 7. I think the others are pretty straight forward, but wanted to at least vet them out for understanding.

I do appreciate your frank feedback as I know it's just concern that I'm heading down the wrong path or focused on the wrong things.

The last 3 weeks have been extremely tough for me. It was actually tougher than the first 4 weeks than where she moved out and even tougher than when she hit me with the bomb on Jan 9th. I do believe that up till that point I had more hope but now there is so little.

I still believe and it is still what I want, but as you can see from my up/down posts, I'm really trying to sort things through in my head. My therapist has helped, as have my friends and the people on this board.

I also been posting a lot of my train of thought as my heart is telling me to pursue and win her heart back, but I know that I can not listen to my heart. If it was that simple, all the flowers I had brought her and the appologies and the romance and words of love I tried to pursue her with in the first few weeks after the bomb in Jan would have worked. It hadn't. Even a fool who is blinded by love sees that. Perhaps it hasn't been long enough or she wasn't ready for it as she needs to heal first. It doesn't matter. It didn't work and that's not what she wants right now.

I'm putting my faith that the DB/DR way is my last resort. I'm planning on rereading that book when I'm done with the N.U.T.S book.

Thanks for trying to keep my head focused.