Don't say something you'll regret. You can say if it IS worst case scenario, WHILE CALM, "I'm sorry you are making this choice. I'd do things differently if I could do them over, but I can honestly say I've loved you more deeply than you'll ever know, and that's a lot to lose. But I Hope you find what you're looking for..."
Thanks - that helps and it's true. I can't pretend anymore that I'm just fine b/c I'm not. He is an idiot and we didn't deserve this. Nothing was so bad that he needed to just abandon us.
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Do attend to details about contact with the kids for they feel very hurt and it IS a rejection of them due NOT to his choice of OW so much as HIS absence!! You could be the worst woman in the world but what excuse does he have for dropping off the face of the earth from THEM? Be calm about it and say you won't stand in the way of their R and you encourage it, hope for it, and frankly, he should step up to the plate on that front. He knew you had kids when he married you and said he'd be their dad/stepdad so what's up with that? (BE CALM!! Encouraging the R's, not demanding....a fine line indeed...)
I think my goal here is to advocate for them without it sounding like a guilt trip (which my BF used on him). There really is no excuse for not talking to them, but what he's said is that he wanted to talk to them but didn't know what to say. Lame. Yes, he knew I came with kids and he loved us all so deeply. Kind and generous to a fault. He was a great role model and friend to them... suddenly it's all been seemingly forgotten.
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Finally he wants to speak in person! Okay, LISTEN. Let him talk. Don't let him the M revise too much but validate (else you'll confirm those negative justifications), you want him to see a woman SO dignified and confident and understanding WHILE hurting, that he's gotta wonder if he's making the right choice...
Your son sounds very sweet - you raised him well. Yes, I do see the chance to talk face to face as a bright spot. I'll do my very best to project understanding and control, yet I am hurting and I think he needs to know that he's hurt me and hurt the kids.
Yes, I agree - I am feeling like it's the worst possible outcome and my mind is working overtime (since 3am this morning) on those scenarios, but will hope for the best.
Thanks to you and Antlers for your replies! I was so anxious to come home tonight and log in to check! Haha! I saw my IC today. She validated much of this... ok to be hurting, be real but not a begging, whimpering fool... I'm hurt but I'll get along okay. She asked me to make sure I do something fun this week... I couldn't name anything specifically I'd done to have fun so that's probably part of my funk.
I haven't contacted H back again to set up a time for the meeting. Thinking maybe Wed night... that'll give me some time to prepare and I don't want to be too quick to get together with H just yet. Also don't want to carry it out until the weekend.
