I get the part about instant gratification, I usually hold off on using it to motivate him to give him the opportunity to learn on his own first. What I learned early last year was that when I put my foot down, he could whine, threaten, complain, rationalize etc but if Ididn't budge, he would back down. If I gave an inch, he took a mile, that was harder to learn how to deal with. The latter is what I am confronted with now -
I certainly need to be reminded of what works and what doesn't work because as much as I know about this disease, living through it is not the same.
Well I would like add that I believe that there is a timing to everything - we always have choices to make, some choices open up more choices and some take a few away. What is important is to focus on the choices we have in the present - not the ones we no longer have available to us. Fact is, there are usually far more choices in the present than we imagine. IMHO, it is how we face the journey we are on in life and not the choices that really matter. Choices can be right or wrong given any circumstances, but the kind of person we are and the things we say and do set things in motion. So, if you want to change the direction of a motion what do you do? Think about it.
By the way, a year ago, I wouldn't have been able to talk to you. I had so much hurt and sadness and resentment in me that I was no good to anybody.
When I first went to Alanon, I was surprised that there were AA members present, not due to a family member's drinking, but to see what it is like on the other side.
