Another One Bites the Dust (3)

[No Longer BH]

Oh my, has it really been that long since I posted? Have I really neglected my online friends that much? Wow! Guess I was out GAL and just didnt see how much time had passed.

SO much can happen in only a few months. Not long after I posted that, I met a truly wonderful man. We hit it off and we really clicked. We also knew to take things slow and truly get to know eachother. The more we found out the more we like one another, with the exception of one big thing....he wanted kids and I didnt. I made the hard decision to let him go. It really showed me how far I have come....the old me would have held on for dear life because we were so good together. The new me saw that it would only lead to pain and that I did not want to be the one to take his dream away.

My L sent the final draft of my divorce papers to me Friday. I contacted my STBXH to email a copy to him so that he could go over them. The next thing I know he is replying with a cryptic responce about how he has so many emotions concerning this and he now understands the mess he made and he wanted me to know he left OW. He hoped that my heart might still be open to him coming back, but he wanted to prove to me first that he was worthy. Talk about shocked. This is not what I was expecting.

He came over on Sat and we talked for 3 hours...mostly him apologising for everything he has done. He then called me Sun and wanted to let me know where he was moving to and what his plans where. He told me that he has know since Jan that he wanted to be with me and not OW, so he started an apology journal that he has been hoping to be able to give to me. Because of my strict NC, he has been respecting my boundaries and has been waiting for the right moment to tell me all of this stuff.

Today he sent me all kinds of emails and we talked again on the phone for about an hour. He has been very open to any and all of my questions and understands the feelings of complete rage I still have towards OW.

I am not going to jump into this at all. He still has so much growth to go through before he is ready for a relationship with anyone. Still, I have hope once again that maybe we are one of the ones that come through with an even better M. There are just so many conflicting emotions.....how do you regain trust? How to you start over when there was so much hurt? I am just taking it one day at a time right now, and if we were meant to be then we will be. In the mean time I am still insisting we get the D. I want to close this door before opening any other new ones. Besides, I got one heck of a settlement deal...want to make sure that is in place before we try anything.

I hope everyone is doing well and that this brings hope to someone out there. I remember all of those lonely days where I just prayed to hear a success story. Here is the thing....I am a success story, not because my H is trying to come back and fix the damamge, but because I found myself and my own happiness in this journey. I am a new and better person now and it will happen to everyone who is going through this if they do the work. Even if we dont fully get back together, I am blessed.

I am going to start posting in the Piecing section so that I can come to a better decision about what I want and how to travel the best path. Cheers!