True Love or True Fog? Changing Forums

[Silver Fox]

Here's his reply. He also called first - early - so I was barely awake enough to respond. Mostly I just let him vent and oh, there was this one gem - "I was a good husband for 20 years and this is what you do?"

(OW's) grandfather died yesterday so I didn't see this email until a few moments ago. I checked Saturday night but I didn't see it then. Sorry for being so slow to get back to you. Anyway, first things first, based on this offer we need to delay the mediation. Will you please call your attorney?

I don't know what to say about what you have asked for. I obviously need to talk with my attorney. I'm sure you know that it seems significantly worse (from my perspective) than the previous offer. I don't think I would even be allowed to give you all my retirement. It's a 20% penalty for withdrawal and then it's taxed as regular income.

In terms of the house, I would be willing to try--it will take me getting a heck of a job--but it is also going to be very, very hard to refinance the house in my name. At best it wouldn't be possible for some time to come. If I can't refinance it, letting it go into foreclosure would effect you just like it would me. And I can't fix it on my own without resources. So, I'm not sure how your plan for the house would work though I'm willing to listen if you know more than I do.

So what happens to the rest of the joint debt in conjunction with the alimony? You are taking it all and using the alimony to pay it off? Or I am still taking 1/2 the joint debt, all the debt in my name, the negative equity in the house, and every cent of my retirement? Is that your offer?

I'm going to leave it there for now. I am just processing the extent of what you are asking. Am I to take it you no longer have any desire to "work together" in the short term? I have been holding my breath hoping we could find a way for me to work on the house together and use the labor for both our benefits. I guess that's not going to happen. I have a lot to think about and plan for.

I called and canceled mediation. Haven't heard any thing else from H.

So I make a stand - ask for what I want. He's sees it as punishment and I'm "going to leave him pennyless". I guess I should leave him alone for now? Let him cool off?