CityGirl...she texted me earlier today (reached out, I guess) and said..."What days exactly were you gonna take the kids on vacation this month?"
I was at work, so almost an hour later I texted her back..."June 20th thru July 2nd."
So she texted me back afterwards with this..."Are you planning on being gone that entire time? I can't go that long without seeing the kids."
Okay - I was thinking about this while in the chair at the dentist and IMO the best way to handle this is to offer her some valdiation about her feelings about not being able to see the kids for that long while still making it clear you have no intentions of changing your plans at the 11th hour.
This may need some collaborative editing but I might say something like this:
Hi Wife...
Yes, the girls and I do plan to be gone for the entire time as our reservations have been made. I certainly can understand and relate to your feelings of how much of an adjustement it will be for you not to see them for xx amount of days. Family vacations have always been such a big part of our summer so I am glad I am able to keep that tradition alive for the kids and me. Would it be helpful to you if we made it so you could see the girls while we are away? Web cams (skype... something like that) are easy to use and would give you the opportunity to talk to them "in person" each day. Of course, there is always e-mail, cell phones and texting whenever you want to say hello! I am open to other suggestions but I do feel its best to proceed with the plans I made some time ago. Thanks! Antlers
IMO that validates her feelings of being upset she wont see her girls for a while but also lets her know that you plan to keep the family unit and family traditions in tact with or without her. And, you are giving her options (skype, webcams) to be involved without her having to actually be involved passed her comfort level with you.
I have made plans for us to be gone that entire time! We have always taken big trips during the Summer. I've already made reservations. The kids had told me a couple of month's ago that they were gonna go to my wife's parents house for a couple of weeks this Summer, although my wife hasn't mentioned it to me, and I didn't have a problem with it if they did that. And I didn't think my wife would have a problem with the kids and I taking a big trip this Summer like all of us used to.
See this is an issue you will have to work out with your W and the sooner you can do it the better off you both will be as co-parents. Your kids should not be the ones telling you about the summer plans your W has made for them. And you should not be relying solely on e-mail to share your plans w/the kids with your W. I realize this is a new thing for the both of you (co-parenting) but there are other solutions... online family calenders, monthly in person meetings to discuss the children and plans and many other ways to avoid this sort of thing.
You might find that once your communication improves with your W in the area of co-parenting it might improve in other areas. Of course, you will have to carry the burden of doing most of the work for a good long while but in the long run, even if you do divorce, it will be best for your kids.
