Well I was just about report, lessons keep on coming. This a.m. H had reflected long enough yesterday to realize that he "went off" emotionally and became irrational. First thing he sighted was, he knew he was off when he realized he was ranting about the kids interfering with our plans and remembered that they weren't there, won't be around in the future and they don't interfere with our plans - his drinking interfered with our plans. Then he recognized that he was arguing with me over nothing, got angered over nothing and all his thinking and behavior went against everything he is learning at church and in AA. He even recognized the source which I had been pointing out to him all week - stress! He has been running full speed at work, running to meetings and then running over my house and not getting much done at his apt nor getting the down time he is used to having to reflect on his life. He saw the lack of balance.Finally! He actually recalled me complaining to him about his lack of balance ever since we met! He sees it now.
He also saw how when out of balance he loses control over his emotions and life which usually results in a lot of his negative behavior and withdraws from me and everything else in his life. Great insight.
I was glad to learn also that while he was angered this weekend, he did seek out sponsors and meetings to keep himself on target. It did him well.
I think we will be going ahead with plans for Oct but he will have to maintain all current involvements and contacts and support. The house will all ours giving us more room to spread out and have alone time.
Turns out IC felt better about the move when he learned that the kids will be away. IC also knows me already so I think that is a plus if he isn't putting us off. He also knows I want to join C when appropriate.
Seems sponsors encourage the one year rule but admit it is a guideline - their main concern is whether or not I add to his problems, or will be encouraging. Well, I am the one who insisted he follow their lead, talk to them about what he plans and keep up with meetings and calling sponsor. I don't mind planning around attendance at meetings. H also got the paperwork to start the step work with one sponsor.
BTW, how did the filing for D change your R? For the good or worse? I am recognizing that my H is committed to me and his sobriety. I also see that it is a process and not something instant. I remember now hearing stories from recovery people about the head clearing thing at four months, six months and I year. Biologically I recall reading that it takes 18 months for the body to return to normal - so even a year is short.
As long as he remains committed to sobriety, I will learn to let go more. I think I am still reactive and sensitive to stuff but not as much as before. It is encouraging knowing that he is learning and using supports and not leaning on me. He is also seeing that as strong as I am - I need help sometimes too. He couldn't see that before.
