Glam, You and I are quite alike because we are both go getters and continue going even when ill. I could never understand depression and why you couldn't snap yourself out of it or stay busy enough that I would feel that way. It took a lot of reading and talking to medical professionals and people experiencing it before I truly understood what they are feeling when depressed.
It's very hard for us to understand it because we've not had anyone around us who has experienced depression. It's something you can't put your finger on, but you do know that someone isn't quite with it. Just like the ad "depression hurts...it hurts everyone involved".
Just think of your h talking in the wind. Do not make your plans around the time he says he will come. Learn to continue moving forward and if you have something planned and he's not there, continue on w/your plans. He means well when he says he's going to come over at a certain time, but the depression tends to really slow him down to a snail's pace and he just can't get with it. The up all night deal is depression. His clock is way off and until he crashes and burns, he's not going to seek professional help. Sometimes I think they are afraid to see a doctor for fear of what the doctor will tell them. Your h reminds me of my friend of many years ago who experienced the bad depression and was playing the mlc game full throttle.
Glam, the whole name of the game is that you can't help them. You can offer them a safe and soft place to land, but you cannot cannot take care of them. They have to do this and yes, it's like the old saying "you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink". That's why it is important for you to take care of yourself and your children because he can't help you in any way. Heck, at this point, he can't help himself just yet.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
